My husband and I are at an impasse. It’s a conversation that we have on a weekly, sometimes daily basis. Do we have a third or do we stick with two…kids, that is?
I always thought I would be happy with two kids. It seemed to make sense to me. You have man-on-man defense. Square tables seat four people. Unless you drive a suburban or van, most cars comfortably seat four. When traveling as a family, each parent can be seated next to one child on a plane. On roller-coaster rides, no one has to be the kid that gets stuck on the row by themselves. Two’s company, three’s crowd. Yes, it seems the world is made for families of four.
I remember when we found out our second was a boy and we already had a little girl, most people’s reaction was “Oh, lucky you! You can be done,” implying that had we continued to have girls, we would continue to have children. Honestly knew in my heart that I would have been happy with a boy or a girl. Maybe it was because our #1 was born with a life threatening birth defect, that she spent months in the NICU before we could take her home, that she went through countless numbers of doctors’ appointments, physical therapy and surgery during her first year of life. I didn’t care what #2 was – I wanted healthy. And don’t get me wrong, I love being a boy mom and a girl mom but one thing that I did quickly begin to realize took me totally by surprise – I started to want more than just two.
But let me explain something. This isn’t me getting “baby fever” since my baby boy is now a full fledged toddler. I like babies and all. Heck, I’ve had two of them but can I be brutally honest? I don’t love babies. I could kinda do without the newborn stage. I really like a full night’s sleep and I think my husband would agree with me that I am a much nicer person when I function on 6-8 hours. I’m a big advocate of breastfeeding, but I’m not a big fan. The thought of breast pumps, nursing covers and boobs that feel like they are going to explode because you need to feed your baby every 3 hours makes me cringe. Sorry to all you expectant moms out there – I ain’t gonna sugarcoat it honey. Give me a one year old any day of the week- I’ll be good to go!
The reason three sounds so appealing is later in life – like past the baby stage. I love my relationship with my brother, as well as my steps and my halves (siblings that is, two of each). I love the thought of five bodies at the dinner table as my kids grow up. I love coming home to the holidays with a house full of activity and excitement. My husband isn’t so convinced. Where I see Christmas cards of smiling faces, he sees college tuitions and weddings to pay for. I see laughter filling my home and he sees his wife, already strung thin from his travel schedule, being pulled in more directions by adding another body.
I’ve actually had women tell me to stop taking my birth control without telling my husband because he would just get use to the idea once I was pregnant. Unfortunately, I’m just about the world’s worst liar so that wouldn’t fly in our household. Looks like I’ll just have to keep pleading my case for another mouth to feed, so we’ll see if the Good Lord has it in the cards for us.
So I’d like to know, how do you know when you are done having babies? Have you reached that “perfect number” for your family yet?
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When we got married, I knew my husband wanted 4, and I wanted 2. So at the time we agreed to compromise on 3. I LOVE the baby stage and after my second – I feel like I have baby fever ALL the time. Of course, number 3 was my O baby and has the entire family in post-traumatic stress disorder now. 😉 I kid. Anyway – to answer your question: how do you know when the number is right for you? For me, I have a large photo of my first two (a boy and a girl and I also was always told the family “must be complete now”) but I could NOT look at that photo in my bathroom without thinking someone was missing. Maybe it was the way the photographer left some “blank space” next to one of them – but it was like a body had been photoshopped out of the photo. So I knew there would be a #3.
We are now contemplating #4 after my O baby…. and I’m like you: I LOVE the idea of having a large family when they are older. Growing up I had 1 older sister that was 4 years older than me. When she went to college, I was basically an only child. When I met my husband, I loved the fact that was always someone to talk to even if one was gone.
So with 3 now, its crazy and definitely stressful at times… but my oldest (who is 6 years old now) is a great helper! And I can NOT imagine life without #3. We are happy with 3, and would still be happy with 4. (But i draw the line at 4. tubes will be tied if and when there is #4) 🙂
With six kids we have had this conversation a few times at my house! We knew we wanted four, but my husband needed a little more convincing for numbers 5 & 6! I will say this, once you have three, it really isn’t a huge leap to have four! By that point you already have the mini van! I’m still getting used to six, but we love them all!
OMG! Brooke, I am so in the same boat! Except, I’m kind the one that needs convincing. I have two boys, 4 and 3, and I desparately want a little girl. So does my husband. My husband would be happy would 3 boys, but I don’t think I would be. We’ve had this conversation a couple of times and the conclusion has always been “no,” but I feel like I’m letting him down and it’s always the more the merrier, right? But, so glad I’m not alone.
We did a little site maintenance this weekend. For those of you that previously commented on this post, thank you for your comments! Unfortunately they were lost in the transition but we didn’t want to think we didn’t appreciate your feedback.
Girl, I could have written this post … right down to the reasons why we should / should not have kids. My husband thinks I am nuts for suggesting another whereas I see past the “in the trenches” stage to laughter and friendship and a house full of fun. Not that our house isn’t fun now, but we have a 2.5 year old who is strong willed to say the least, so time, energy and patience are sometimes thin. But I just love the idea of a big family, despite the fact that it is admittedly very expensive!