My Forever Family {National Adoption Month}

One of the questions I get the most about being adopted is, “When did your parents tell you that you were adopted?” The answer is, I’m so thankful to report, “I’ve always known!” Being adopted was just a part of who I was. I never felt uncomfortable about it because my parents talked about it so openly and without any sense of apprehension, the same way we talked about being a girl or having blue eyes. It just was.

adoption language

November is such an important month to me because it is National Adoption Month. There is pretty much a national-something-month for anything you can think of, but this month’s celebration and awareness promotion is so vital to our culture and the mission to share truths about adoption to an astonishingly uninformed society.

Adoption is far more “popular” and prevalent that it was when I was a child. I know 5 people off the top of my head that have adopted at least one of their children, and with the media accessibility of blogs and other parenting forums, adoption is a word you hear more and more often. International adoption has become increasingly more prominent (thanks, Brangelina) as well.

As an adoptee and a soon-to-be adoptive mom, I am passionate about educating people on adoption, as I am still so sad to hear about common misconceptions about all aspects of adoption. In their defense, however, I understand that there are so many different kinds of adoption and adoptive families. My unsolicited advice, should you see parents with children of other races or upon learning a child has been adopted, is always to just ask nicely. It’s okay to ask being informed is precious and underrated! – but think before you talk! Sometimes curiosity can unintentionally turn in to insensitivity.

Here is a little lesson on a few of the most popular methods, set-ups, vocabulary words, and general basics of ADOPTION (according to my non-professional, only my I’ve-lived-it, experience):

Domestic adoption: a child that is adopted from the United States, either as an infant (which usually involves “Birth Parents” – see below), or as a child (which often from Foster care, Child Protective Services, etc.).

Concerning Domestic, there are certain “terms” to learn with the Parents of the adopted child…

  • Birth or Biological Mom/Dad/Parent: The mom that carries the child; the man who helped conceive the child;  biologically related.
  • Adoptive Mom/Dad/Parent: The family that choses to raise, love, and parent a child is not biologically related.

Within Domestic adoption, namely when a birth-parent has chosen adoption (as opposed to parents who have had their rights terminated due to neglect or abuse), there are various levels of “open-ness” between adoptive and biological families:

  • Open: This is the choice wherein the birth-mom has a completely open and active relationship with the adopted child. The child is placed with a Forever Family, but still has an ongoing relationship with his or her Birth Mom. This obviously can look different depending on the agreement between the Bio and Adoptive moms, but generally involves the Birth Mom having a very active role in the child’s life.
  • Semi-Open: You guessed it… the adopted child knows his Birth Mom and likely has fairly regular physical contact with her, but there are likely pretty strict guidelines that have been established by the Adoptive Family concerning visits, time together, picture sharing, and the like.
  • Closed: From what I understand, this option of adoption isn’t used as often ‘these days’. I was adopted through a closed adoption, which basically meant that my parents had no interaction whatsoever with my Biological Mom. They never met her, never knew her name, and only had what information she filled out on two pieces of questionnaire paper. And vise-versa – my Bio Mom knew nothing of my parents. In this case, the agency doing the adoption would be the connection that would aid the Birth Mom and then place the child with the Adoptive family, and never the two shall meet.
  • Semi-Closed: This is the adoption option we have chosen, and it basically involves us creating a “profile”, all with non-identifying information (in other words, she will not be told where we live or our last name). The Birth Moms peruse the waiting families and find one that they think fits the idea that they have for their child. In most cases the Birth Mom (who is free to share as little or as much identifying info. as she feels comfortable) will physically meet the Adoptive Parents, and there is usually phone or email communication during the time the Birth Mom is waiting to deliver Baby. After delivery and placement, most families will communicate with the Birth Mom for 6 months-1 year about the baby, sending pictures and sharing about their life as a new family. Some families chose to continue sharing pictures throughout the child’s life, but this is something that the Birth Mom and Adoptive Mom must agree upon. The child and Birth Parent will have no contact. If the child or Birth Parent would like to meet the other, they are able to do so through the agency once the child is 18 years old.

International adoption: A baby or child that is adopted from another country. I know little about this process, but I do know it’s looong, as there are a seemingly insurmountable number of papers that have to go through both the American government and from the country which the child is being adopted. It is overwhelmingly rewarding, as you can imagine, though! People who chose international adoption are truly and literally rescuing orphans, a thought that is mind-boggling to us Americans. I have such awe and respect for people who chose international adoption!adoption 2

I love, love, love sharing about OUR adoption journey, and about my experiences with Domestic Adoption. If you have any questions or want to learn more, feel free to contact me!

Go Adoption!!!

Maggie
Although not a native Texan, Maggie has enjoyed getting to know the city of San Antonio with her husband, a native to San Antonio. If she were a bumper sticker type of person (which she vehemently is not) she might have one of those “I didn’t grow up in Texas, but I got here as soon a I could” stickers. Maggie enjoys staying home with her children and loves the daily calamity that is raising her son (born 2011) and daughter (born 2009) in Boerne. She would always chose outdoor activities over indoor, sweatpants over dresses, crafting over TV, and cupcakes over… anything. It feels like her life has been full of “learning experiences”, and Maggie loves to share about having a micro-preemie in the NICU, her experiences as an adoptee and a heart patient, and about her family’s experiences with adopting a child on her blog Mondays with Maggie. Life is an adventure and she’s thankful to have the perfect amount of OCD and ADHD to keep up (most days).

1 COMMENT

  1. What a great post! As an adoptive mom (whose adoption was completed in a November) this month is special to me, too. Thanks for spreading the word, and for crafting such a thoughtful post explaining basic terms for those who aren’t “in the know.”

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