1 in 5 Minds :: Rachel’s Story

One in Five: Rachel's Story

My name is Rachel and I’m a mom with three kids, all of whom suffer with mental illnesses. If you met me, you wouldn’t know that my family suffers in silence. If you saw me with my family, you’d think we are just another family of five that lives on the Northside. You see, mental illness is a medical condition that you don’t see…so from the outside, you cannot see what is happening on the inside.

All of my children are hyper-sensitive and are being treated for mood disorders and various other symptoms (anxiety, depression, psychosis, etc.). Last year my oldest child also received a bipolar diagnosis and is currently working to overcome an eating disorder. I suspect my younger two are also on the path of a bipolar disorder, but they are still young and time will tell. Over the years, I have learned that bipolar disorder runs in my family – there is a genetic component to the disorder. In jest, I have said that I need to add another line to our family tree – a mental illness component. Although, I must admit – there is some seriousness to my comment.

We’ve experienced emergency rooms, mental health treatment (outpatient, partial, impatient, and residential care). We’ve experienced the police and ambulances at our house on numerous occasions when the rages became too intense. A couple of years ago, I was so concerned about the ability of emergency personnel finding our house that I took steps to ensure our house number was visible from three locations (by our front door, in our yard, and painted on the curb).

Up until two and a half years ago, I worked at a local Fortune 200 company in a middle management position. I had worked for the company for over two decades.  When the issues began surfacing with my children, instead of being met with compassion, I was met with condemnation. One day I was explaining to my boss how I was organizing my daughter’s treatment to minimize the impact of my job and my plan to keep up with my work requirements. After I shared the information, there was a pause and my boss just said, “How does your team feel about this?” Imagine my surprise at this comment. After all, my daughter was engaging in risky behaviors, self-harming, tried to commit suicide, and she had just been released from an inpatient care facility. I was truly at a loss for words. A year or so later, my older son’s mental illness began surfacing. My husband and I knew at that point we both couldn’t work full- time and take care of our children, given the type of care they require. I made the decision to leave my job. As I was giving my resignation to my boss (a different one at this time, as I had been transferred to another department), he said, something to the effect, “It’s not like I’ll be happy not to have to deal with you anymore…”. Imagine my surprise again.

Becoming a full-time mom was and is the best decision for my family. Going from a two-family income to one presented other challenges, but we were and still are determined that our children are not going to be a statistic. We are committed to getting our children the help they need, we need, to be happy, to keep them out of the jail system, and to keep them alive. A few noteworthy statistics:

  • 1 in 5 children in the U.S. suffer from mental illness. Of those, only 20% receive treatment.(www.1in5minds.org/about)
  • Between 25% and 40% of all Americans with mental illness will at some point pass through the criminal justice system. (NAMI, National Alliance of Mental Illness, Policy Research Institute 3- 04)
  • Over 90 percent of people who commit suicide have been diagnosed with mental illness. (NAMI, Suicide Fact Sheet)

Being a parent and being a full-time mom are both the most rewarding and toughest jobs, even under the best of circumstances. Add a medical condition, especially one that involves mental health, into the mix and there’s an increased level of difficulty. Since you cannot see my children’s mental illness, it’s easy to mistake their behavior as just a result of bad parenting. I’ve gotten used to the looks of disapproval and comments, it comes with the territory. There’s one situation that comes to mind with my youngest child. We were having a good day.  He had just had his hair cut and we were walking across the parking lot to get into the car. Out of the blue, he began to have a melt-down, an all out aggressive attack – verbally and physically. It was all I could do to keep my composure and try to get him in the car and not worry about the onlookers. After I was able to get us both in the car and lock the doors (child-locks engaged), I just sat there and cried and waited for my husband to come help me. You cannot rationalize with a child that is in a rage, so all you can do is wait it out.

When my daughter was in middle school, she went to the counseling office so much that with only a week left in the school year, I got a call from the school counselor and I was advised “they” had met and “they” determined it’d be best if she didn’t return to school for the rest of the year. To this day, I am not sure how the school marked her attendance or finished out her school year. I can only imagine what this did to my daughter; knowing she was asked not to return to the school and she was also told not to be on campus. My daughter had been seeking the help of a counselor.  She went to the adults that she should be able to trust, and they turned her away.

My oldest son had a similar experience in elementary school. The school was neither not prepared for nor trained to work with my son and his special set of circumstances. I would advise the school of possible triggers and strategies to handle certain situations, but since he looked “normal”, he wasn’t given the consideration and/or support of other children in the Special Education program. My son’s condition was treated as solely a behavior issue, not seeking to understand the root cause and make appropriate accommodations. I removed him from the school and homeschooled him for a couple of years before finding a school that specializes in helping children like my son maximize their education and reach their full potential.

As I write this, I’m working on getting medication for my older son and daughter. My older son has been prescribed a new medication, however, insurance won’t process it until they receive a pre-authorization from his doctor. So, I’m working with the pharmacy, the insurance company, and the doctor’s office. As for my daughter, she’ll be released from a residential treatment facility tomorrow, and she’ll be home three days before leaving on a three-week trip with her father. I’ve spent the last couple of days with the treatment facility trying to contact someone who can understand the importance of and facilitating what needs to happen in order for my daughter to have a 30 day supply of medicine upon her release. As a parent, I pride myself on being able to move mountains when it comes to care for my children, but even I have limitations. So today as I get ready for the day, I put on my figurative shield of armor and become my kids’ warrior.
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2 COMMENTS

  1. This likely won’t help the blogger but for anyone else, if your child who is attending public school has a diagnosed medical problem that impedes or precludes the educational process, he/she is eligible for Section 504 classification. It’s not permanent, it’s not something that will follow them all their lives but it can help get your student the accommodations & modifications he or she needs.

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