Back to School – New Year, New Rules

Summer wound down a whole lot faster than I was expecting. The slow pace of summer has quickly dissolved into the hectic rhythm of a new school year. Our boys (Davis, 10 & Patrick, 9) started a new school and with it came lots of new stuff – new classes, new friends, new homework expectations, new transportation plans and more.  There is a joy in the expectation that comes with greeting newness, but there is also the worried anticipation about what lies ahead.

Our family is big on traditions. We use them as a way to draw close, but also as a way to provide stability – especially in the face of major changes like a new school! I don’t remember who recommended our back-to-school tradition, but when my kids were first starting school, a friend suggested that we end the summer with a time of family goal setting.

The advice was really simple. Take advantage of the slow summer evenings (or really any quiet family moment) and talk with your kids about how your family is doing. Talk about what you are doing right and wrong, how you can improve, and set goals – individually and collectively.

It was easy when the kids were entering kindergarten. We’d go on a family walk and ask the boys what they thought the school year would be like. We might have even asked them to describe a best-state scenario – what they hoped would happen during the year. Those talks were short and probably made little impression on the boys, but they were formative.

Now we’re six years into this tradition. Our kids are older and our questions have gotten broader and more introspective. So here’s a peak into our family’s back-to-school chat.

• On his biggest accomplishment this year, Davis is proud of all the work he has done to regain focus and stamina in the classroom.  Some of it, he knows, is due to a new ADHD medication, but for the first time in his academic career he feels like he has the tools to concentrate.
• Patrick was introspective when he told us that he could have done a better job not letting his brother bait him into arguments.  We talked about the tools he’s learned – walking away, deflecting with humor, changing the topic, or simply saying he doesn’t want to continue the conversation.
• Both boys were pretty adamant that they have outgrown needing to have a specific bedtime. This one is still up for discussion. We gave the no-bedtime thing a trial run during the last few weeks of summer, which resulted in a few days where Davis didn’t get up until noon. That won’t work now that school has started! So for now, we are bumping bedtime back by 30 minutes on school days, but we’re up for letting them self-manage on the weekends.
• As for new privileges, both boys want to expand their neighborhood roaming boundaries. Specifically, they want walk to their best friend’s house – about a mile away, across a semi-busy street. It isn’t the distance that worries me, but the traffic. We take lots of family walks and lately they’ve taken the lead in navigating – so I know they are careful and observant enough to take on this new privilege.  I’ll just have to get over my own fear.
• With new privileges, come new responsibilities. Davis wants to start mowing our lawn –- our nearly half-acre lawn — with a huge hill! I’m pretty sure he has no idea what he’s getting himself into. So before we go buy a lawnmower (because we haven’t mowed our lawn at this house, ever!), we’re going to borrow one from a friend and see if he really is physically capable of tackling the beast that is our yard.
• Finally, we got down to setting goals for the school year. Neither boy really knows what to expect from their new school, but Davis’ goals are to stay focused in the classroom, be diligent about homework and learn how to study for a test.  Patrick knows he needs to be more critical of what he is learning – learn the process, not just the answer.

It is hard to see the fruits of your labor as a parent – we certainly get little real-time feedback, but this back-to-school tradition has provided Rob, my husband, and me a good indicator of our kids’ growth each year. It’s also an easy way for our kids to let us know where we are holding on too tightly and should back off and let them practice new skills. And just for the record – this wasn’t a one and done conversation – it’s more like stealing a moment or two over the course of a month and then revisiting as the year progresses.

What are your family’s back-to-school traditions?[hr]

Do you have your tickets to our epic First Birthday Bash on September 17?  Come down to the San Antonio Children’s Museum for a chance to mingle with other San Antonio moms, enjoy yummy food and beverage, and even get a little massage.  Make sure to register here  before we sell out!