I am a San Antonio Mom – Shawne Zakaria of Eva’s Heroes

I’ve known Shawne Zakaria since before our kids were born (my oldest is now 10). Her smile is infectious, and her energy is abundant. Shawne has been an advocate for children and other issues of social justice her entire adult life. She is also a breast cancer survivor.

Last month, we sat down for lunch at Bird Bakery and talked about parenting, work, and the fight of her life.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Every year in the United States, 200,000 women and 2,000 men are diagnosed with breast cancer.  40,000 women and 400 men die from the disease. (Check out more info from the CDC.)

Since 1 in 8 women will develop invasive breast cancer in her lifetime, chances are you know someone who has battled this disease. Both my mom and mother-in-law have undergone mastectomies and estrogen antagonist therapy. Hopefully I did justice to Shawne’s story and it can help you relate to her and find strength in her tenacity.

I AM A SAN ANTONIO MOM

Tell us about your background and how you got to San Antonio.

I’m originally from St. Louis. We moved to San Antonio in 2000, when my husband, Amir, opened a retail store for men’s clothing. I have a 9-year-old daughter, Iman, and my mom, Ethel, has lived with us since the late 1990s. My mom has been a lifesaver –providing consistency for Iman when work and illness made life hectic.

Professionally, I spent the early part of my career in TV and radio news. When I moved to San Antonio, I took a job in the Public Information office of the Texas Department of Human Services and later worked as the Director for the San Antonio division of the March of Dimes. (Check out her bio.)

I’m currently the Executive Director of Eva’s Heroes. We help teens and young adults (14 and up), who have intellectual special needs, integrate and flourish in society. We offer an After School Program, Monthly Activities (think dances, movies, cultural activities, cooking, sports and more) and a Summer Enrichment Program camp. We’re always looking for new volunteers – everything from being a peer buddy to helping with fundraising.

Describe your typical weekday.

My typical weekday is intense. I start my day at 6:30 am and try to be in the office by 8:00 am – after getting everyone fed and Iman off to school. At work, I fulfill several different roles. I split my time fairly evenly between development, programming and operations. Like anyone with multiple jobs, flexibility is critical. I start my day with a list, but my list is anything but set in stone as emergent issues often require for me to shift my focus. My evenings usually consist of a combination of tending to the home front, networking, and fundraising.

What causes are most important to you?

In my heart I am a child advocate. The work that I have done throughout my lifetime with special needs, underserved and underprivileged kids demonstrates my commitment to the welfare of children. Working for Eva’s Heroes is extremely rewarding.

I’ve also served as Associate Commissioner for the Mayor’s Commission on the Status of Women and co-chair of PR and Marketing for the Martin Luther King Commission in San Antonio’s 25th Anniversary in 2012.

I’ve recently been inducted as a Board Member for Cancer Therapy and Research Center’s Council. For a few years following my treatment, I hesitated to participate in events and activities that might bring all of the painful memories to the surface. However, I couldn’t say no when the Cancer Therapy and Research Center approached me about this opportunity to support cancer research, patients, and their families.

Tell us a bit about your cancer story.

In 2005, I was 40 and Iman was only two years old. I was still breastfeeding her. I noticed a scratch on my breast and a small, pea-sized lump. I didn’t think much of it and wasn’t even going to mention it to the doctor. When I did mention it, my doctor couldn’t even feel the lump – until I stood up and pointed it out again. She didn’t think anything of it at the time, but I had a mammogram performed anyway. Later, when I had a biopsy, the surgeon didn’t expect anything. It was something – Stage IIB, triple negative breast cancer.

Almost immediately, I had a single mastectomy, followed by six months of chemotherapy and radiation therapy. When I was no longer able to feel my fingers or feet, my oncologist wanted to stop chemo, but I refused. He was worried about my quality of life; I just wanted the best shot at surviving.

Post Chemo Cuddles

I was very sick. I couldn’t work and many days I didn’t even get out of bed. My sister (who is a nurse) would sit on my bedside, and although she said nothing, her presence was very comforting. I was so sick that I stopped making long-term plans, as I didn’t know what the next few days, let alone weeks or months, would bring.

In order to survive I became obsessed with doing everything in my power to ensure that my treatment was successful, but I had to start living again after my treatment ended and my doctor released me from his care.

The conclusion of my treatment brought me great relief, but a doctor put it best to me in this way: Surviving breast cancer is like carrying a rattlesnake in your pocket that’s bitten before. It’s still in your pocket and you can’t help but wonder if it will bite again.

What do you want other mom’s battling breast cancer to know?

Rest. Your energy has to be focused on recovering. Even if you are Chief in Charge (at home or work), you have to let go.

Let other people help. This could mean helping take care of you or picking up extra work at home or the office. Don’t take on the weight of the world – treatment and recovery is enough.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. There will be times you can only think about getting through the next five minutes. Some days you’ll be able to handle 30 minutes at a time. The whole one-day-at-a-time thing gets taken to new heights.

What was the most helpful to you during treatment?

My community rallied. They created a care calendar – not just for food, but also to keep things reasonably normal for Iman.

My medical team was phenomenal. I interviewed doctors – this was one of the biggest decisions of my life. I ended up with an exceptional team who told me what to expect every step of the way. When my hair hadn’t started to fall out by the time the nurse thought it would, I panicked. I felt sure that the chemo and radiation weren’t working. My doctors took all my after-hours calls. They listened to me; they reassured me. My hair started falling out a few days later and I was very relieved.

What has been the greatest joy of motherhood?

Seeing Iman discover the world. There was a time when I didn’t know if I’d be alive to see her grow up. Watching her navigate friendships, traveling with her on adventures and seeing her have AH-HA moments when she experiences new things – that’s the best part of motherhood. I’m thankful that I’m around to witness her growth.

What’s been the greatest challenge of motherhood?

Balancing being a mom and a wife and having a career is really difficult sometimes. I want Iman to know that I’m always there for her, even when work demands a lot of my time. Sometimes that means stepping away from a meeting or putting work aside to take care of her needs.

How do you hope your life influences and/or inspires other women?

I hope that women don’t take “no” for an answer. When my boss at the Texas Department of Human Services took a job in Washington D.C., we talked about the possibility of my joining his team there. However, the human resources director wouldn’t interview me because I hadn’t finished college; I knew that I had to go back and finish what I had started. It was amazing for Iman to see me work hard and graduate summa cum laude.

There really isn’t a roadmap for life and we all navigate the best we can. Detours will happen, but you can always come back. Never apologize for your path.

What four words best describe you?

Spiritual. Intentional. Spicy. Compassionate.

Family Vacation

Where would we find you on the weekends?

Hanging out with my family. Some Saturdays, Iman and I will go to thrift stores searching for items to repurpose. We’ll have lunch and then head home and design our project. We also spend a lot of time reading and practicing multiplication tables!

What are your San Antonio favorites?

Willies, Broadway Bistro & Bird Bakery.

What do you love about San Antonio?

San Antonio is an exciting and dynamic city. San Antonio has grown so much since I moved here in 2000 – all the new businesses and restaurants. It’s just an exciting time to live in San Antonio. At the same time, we are family friendly. I’ve never felt odd taking my daughter out to a fancy meal or a cultural event. That’s partly because San Antonians are just so friendly and accepting. I couldn’t ask for a better place to live and raise my daughter.

Thank you, Shawne, for being such an inspiration and a wonderful San Antonio Mom!

Maggie
Maggie is an entrepreneur and mother of two boys (Davis, age 10 & Patrick, age 9). She recently left her job in corporate healthcare strategy to open a family business (you can check out her blog at The Learning Lab). Her motherhood journey has included infertility, transracial adoption (Davis), a fortuitous pregnancy (Patrick), a child with mental health issues, managing serious pediatric asthma and parenting a profoundly gifted son. Maggie was born in Australia, but moved to Texas when she was a toddler. She met her husband, Rob, at Trinity University and after graduate school at the University of Michigan (Go Blue!), they returned to San Antonio, which has been home for almost 20 years.

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