Finding the right birth control is like finding a soul mate, and I had a fling with an intrauterine device. On paper, I thought it was “the one.” It had everything I was looking for in a contraception: low maintenance, wouldn’t mess with my emotions, etc. We were perfect for each other—at least we seemed to be. Like many bad relationships, we were introduced by mutual friends. “Try it!” they said. “You’ll love it!” they said.
I figured the IUD would be my last-ditch effort before my husband volunteered as tribute (e.g., had a vasectomy). I really felt like the IUD and I were meant to be. If only I could get past the idea of its placement… After all, I had pushed two football-sized babies out of there, so how horrible could it be to stick something the size of a paperclip back in?
I was desperate and ready to rebound. I was looking to try something different. After all, I had spent years on the pill (with amazing skin, I might add), and all those hormones couldn’t be good for my body, right? (Insert eye roll here.) I somehow thought switching from pills to Paragard was like going from GMO birth control to something more “organic.”
I made my decision.
Remember how I said finding birth control is like finding a soul mate? Well, it was no sooner than I’d decided the IUD and I were going to give this relationship a shot, that I ran into five of his scorned lovers, each with her unique and horrific tale of woe. Perforation? Expulsion?! Whatevs. Like many women before me, I convinced myself I was different. I was special. The IUD didn’t love them. They just weren’t right for each other. The IUD and I, we were destined to be together!
Like every honeymoon stage, I dreamed of our future together. We were in it for the long haul, and I would be 40 before I even had to think about replacing it. But a couple months went by, and I ignored the signs. I mean, I knew the IUD came with some baggage—I, or *ahem* someone else might feel the little strings that hang out, but hey. That’s a small price to pay for freedom and peace of mind! But then I started to feel off. Maybe it was all that chlorine water I swam in this summer. Was I eating too much sugar? Maybe I was working out too hard. My soap was probably too harsh. Or maybe I just needed to get fragrance-free, dye-free laundry detergent. Yeah, that’s it! It’s the laundry detergent!
Unfortunately, it wasn’t the laundry detergent.
After two trips to the doctor, four rounds of Diflucan, daily probiotics, and glucose testing, I realized our relationship was toxic. I had tried so hard to make this relationship work, but we just weren’t right for each other. Our chemistry was off—literally—and it took me a full year to realize this foreign object inside me was gas-lighting me! I was furious. How could IUD do this to me?! I trusted it! I tried everything to keep us together, and it betrayed me! I felt like my body was making battery acid or something. IUD had to come out.
We broke up September 29, 2014, and I haven’t looked back. Don’t get me wrong: I don’t have any regrets. I’m glad I gave it a chance, and I’ve learned a lot about what it is I’m really looking for in a contraceptive. I’ve already met someone new, and so far, we really get along.
Did you or do you have an IUD? What has your experience been like?
My sister has had no problems with her Paragard. I have known a few people that really like their IUDs. I really think it’s a great form of birth control if it works for you. I’m kind of disappointed it didn’t for me.
Maybe I would consider a Mirena next time! It’s always such a mixed bag of reactions – either it really sucks or it’s really great, but I do think it’s worth a try.
Love my Mirena for total of 8 years!! It took only 2 months to get pregnant after removal. There was no question after my daughter was born that I would get Mirena again. I’ve had no problems with it.
I’ve had the Mirena twice and loved it! I’ve heard the Paragard has pretty harsh side effects.