Perspectives in Parenting: Home Sweet Home Birth

Motherhood comes with a host of choices to make about what is best for you, your family, and your child. We at Alamo City Moms Blog have a variety of moms who want to embrace these choices instead of feeling guilty or judged for them! We are continuing our series, Perspectives in Parenting, with a look at childbirth. Four of our contributors shared their experiences – Christin’s birth with an epidural, Amy’s natural childbirth, and Brooke’s C-section.

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Marsha! Marsha! Marsha! It’s always about Marsha, according to my middle child, Felicia (20). When she’s having Marsha moments, I remind her why she’s my favorite.*

*Each one is my favorite; they’re just instructed to never let the others know I told them so.

She was my perfect birth. Really. Perfect.

Born at home, Felicia came into this world of her own accord. With two pushing contractions—my body and hers seamlessly working together—she made her entrance in May of 1994. Do the math, and you’ll see that 2015 is a big birthday. Cheers!

Statistics show midwife-assisted birth is as safe or safer than other choices. We carefully chose our Certified Professional Midwife (CPM). Her competency, professionalism, personality, and energy put us at ease.

We found our midwife by asking around. I scheduled an appointment to meet and get to know her, free of charge. I love that about midwives. It’s not drive-thru-get-your-healthcare-as-quickly-as-you-can-and-go-about-your-day. A midwife is connection, trust, mutual respect, and more. I was concerned because our midwife had not personally experienced birth. We discussed it. She understood my questions. She said she worked harder to empathize and understand the birthing mom’s experience. (Right answer!) When I called and asked if she’d be our midwife, she responded, “I’m honored.” Winner, winner, chicken dinner! She was the one.

In Texas, home births are legal. Texas recognizes Certified Nurse Midwives (CNM) and Certified Professional Midwives (CPM). All certified Texas midwives are required to have current certification in CPR and NNR (Neonatal Resuscitation) as well as other continuing education requirements.

We believe women’s bodies know how to birth. A healthy pregnancy isn’t a medical condition. A normal birth isn’t a medical procedure. Some unnecessary interventions cause increasingly more intervention. Prepared to handle and accept what came our way, we realized some things are always beyond control. We also knew many problems present themselves in early pregnancy or early labor.

We wanted Sis, my eldest daughter, included. Not included-included—we weren’t going to make her grab a rag and clean up or pull out pink scissors to cut the umbilical cord. Child labor laws aside, we’re cool parents like that. But we did want to give her freedom to be part of the birth…or to stay downstairs click-clacking in Princess Jasmine high-heels and sheer aqua genie pants, leaving the hard work to mom.

I wanted to birth where I felt safest: home. In my opinion, a woman labors and births best where she feels safest. Our midwife attended the birth with a back-up midwife: one for mom and one for baby. I felt safe with her. I also wanted to go through it all at home. My bed. My bathroom. My kitchen. I wanted to eat, move around, use my shower. I’m selfish like that.

Prenatal Care

While pregnant, I saw the midwife like others see docs. We had any necessary tests and routine lab work. One time, I saw an OB/GYN at Wilford Hall for 24/7 morning sickness. FYI: he was no help either and not thrilled about our home birth, but I didn’t care.

The Prep

Our midwife gave us a list of things to have on hand. I don’t recall everything, but it included towels, a shower curtain, blue chux pads, super-duper maxi pads, etc. We needed fresh healthy food choices on hand for everyone. Our midwife carried oxygen and other necessary items.

Sis’s “second mom” was there to care for Sis, whom she knew well. We didn’t know what we were having, but Kyrie, Sis’s Bitty Baby, had an opinion. Through Sis, Kyrie told me, “If that baby comes out with a penis, it can go right back in.” Having someone who loved and understood Sis was paramount… It could’ve been a rough night.

When The Batman was born, we ended up using two different caregivers for the girls. We all loved and trusted both. It was such a big position, to be with my “previously birthed child(ren)” while I was in labor. I needed to be free of worry. I’m forever grateful for those who filled this role.[divider]

The Labor

Felicia’s labor began when Hubs brought a garter snake into the house. A snake! In my face! He found this humorous. I found it laborious. Puns intended.

I called the midwife and our friend to be with Sis. A few minutes later the contractions were heavier. So, I called the midwife again with one request: “Hurry!”

Everyone arrived. I labored in the bedroom, squatting, kneeling, rocking and moaning through contractions. The midwives quietly and unobtrusively monitored everything. The big futon was ready and layered: a clean sheet, a shower curtain, chux pads, and more sheets.

I deep-breathed and low-moaned through my labors. Although I’ve taught breathing patterns to other pregnant women, they didn’t work for me. As a doula, I have helped others use them successfully. It’s about finding your own way, friends.

Now for an internet confession: My favorite place to labor was…the toilet. Yes, the toilet. My go-to comfort spot is the porcelain god.

So, I hung out on the toilet, with my hubs squatting, facing me. I said, “I don’t know if I can do this.” He said, “There’s not a doubt in my mind. You can do this.” I still love him for these words.

Felicia’s labor was about four hours, but I’d had an advantage. I started dilating two weeks earlier (perfectly normal). When things began to rock ‘n’ roll, I was already past four cm. The coolest thing? Sitting on the toilet when my water broke. It sounded like a cork popping, and no mess, no fuss, since I was already on the toilet. I’m efficient.

Water broken, contractions increased, I felt it: The urge to push. For Sis’s birth, this wasn’t a positive experience with warm fuzzy memories. When asked if I needed to push, I lied without a second thought. “Push? No, not at all. Not yet.”

I’ve always found midwives (and a lot of health care providers) intuitive. My midwife tried to get me off the toilet. I balked. She was worried about my having a baby in the bowl. I took a hot pink bath towel and placed it between the seat and the porcelain. I’m pretty sure she rolled her eyes at Hubs, but it worked. I stayed there. To this day, hot pink is Felicia’s favorite color.

Still denying the urge to push, I felt the biggest contraction ever in the whole wide world and involuntary pushed. Without me, my body pushed! I stood up, and her head was born. There I was, standing in my bathroom with her head between my legs. So amazingly freakin’ awesome!

This is when I went downstairs, fixed some toast and tea, and then returned upstairs to finish birthing… Like a fishing story, it gets bigger every time I tell it.

In reality, I stood up, took a couple of steps, and then lay down on the floor, where the midwives had placed chux pads and towels in anticipation of just this.

One more involuntary push, and she placed the baby on my chest, covered with a towel. Now, it was Sis’s turn. Her job was to announce the gender. We waited for her to run upstairs.

A little overwhelmed, Sis peeked but was speechless, yet I vividly recall her big brown eyes. Someone (I have no idea who—it could’ve been me—it’s that mommy brain thang) said, “It’s a girl!” and so it was. The middle child, born by a body clearly able to birth on its own.

Felicia was 9 lbs. 8 oz. After birthing a healthy placenta and nursing, I had the Best. Shower. Of. My. Life. I’ll never forget it. The midwife stayed to get life back to normal. We slept on the futon. Sometime in the night, our sweet Akita silently leaped the stair barricade. Every time I opened my eyes, I saw her silhouette watching out the window to the drive, keeping vigil.

The Transfer

Midwives have a transfer plan. You’ll know details ahead of time. Sometimes it happens. It happened with The Batman.

The Batman came along eight years after Felicia. Because I was an “older” mom, my pregnancy was considered “high risk.” I had a healthy pregnancy. Except, labor started three weeks early, falling within acceptable for a home birth.

I woke when my water broke. I noticed some bright red bleeding. I phoned the midwife. She arrived and checked me, to find more blood. We needed to go to the hospital. Not a panicked, oh-my-gosh-you’re-gonna-die kind’of thing, but a calm, this-is-a-little-too-much-blood-for-right-now-so-let’s-go-to-the-hospital kind’of thing.

As we walked downstairs, she remarked at my calm attitude. I reminded her I completely trusted her. Then, I said, “I’ve known all along I’d transfer with this birth.” Sometimes you get a feeling. You just know something. Yeah. That one. We transferred to WHMC.

The Batman brought some complications with his slightly early birth: partial placental abruption, low-lying placenta, and lack of gross motor skills with jump-roping. He tried to jump with the umbilical cord only to have no coordination. He succeeded in wrapping it around his chest, shoulders, and neck. Boys! What are you gonna do? You do what it takes, and that’s what we did.

After a long labor, he arrived and his older sisters fell in love with him, especially Sis. In early pregnancy, Sis was appalled her parents were still “doing that” and then upset we hadn’t use a condom. Finally, the poor girl just begged for a puppy instead.

It all works out. Older sisters fall in love with little brothers, former midwives become WHMC Labor and Delivery nurses, and nurse anesthetists talk about their children’s home births as they tend to a transferred laboring mama. The staff at WHMC was wonderful and apologetic. They apologized to me because I had to transfer. Best doc and staff of 2002!

Ironically, I was never disappointed in the turn of events because I am realistic. There will always be things we can’t control. The Batman’s birth was full of those things. We rolled with the flow, and in the end, this beautiful boy joined our family.

The Nitty Gritty

Birth can be messy…but messes can be cleaned up. Peroxide removes blood stains from beige carpet. (Lovely midwives help.) Latex gloves are easy to buy and use. Chux pads can be chucked—that’s the idea. And, yes, some women poop a little during birth. That never happened to me. If you’re a good friend, you’ll play along. Compassionate midwives quickly clean and never mention it. Ever.

What about perineum/vaginal care with a home birth? Better stated: what about the hoo-ha at home? If one must use a euphemism, then hoo-ha is my favorite endearing term for all things vaginal. For a healthy labor and birth, hoo-ha home birth care isn’t different from hospital hoo-ha care. The best thing for a tender, swollen hoo-ha is a disposable diaper, cut open and filled with ice, or a frozen water-filled condom. Get creative. Think outside the box. (Puns abound.)

I quickly bounced back from the home birth. At 48 hours post-delivery, we ate at Marie Callender’s. (What? You thought I’d give birth at home AND cook?) My husband wanted to ward off postpartum depression. I thought we needed to get to postpartum first. Someone asked how old Felicia was, and we looked at our watches. (Please, don’t go all crazy germophobe on me in the comments.) Felicia was in our arms, away from other contagions. She survived, and I managed to get postpartum depression anyway…but that’s another post.

Seriously, I felt great, with no noticeable tearing. If you work with gravity and birth in a position other than flat on your back, sometimes there’s no tearing.

When choosing where to birth, consider the options. Some insurance companies cover home birth. We used a Certified Professional Midwife (CPM). Our fees were $1,000–$1,500 more than 12 and 20 years ago, respectively. Today, you could expect to pay anywhere between $1,000–$3,000 (or possibly more), depending on your insurance coverage and the individual midwife you choose. However, this figure also includes all prenatal care, in addition to the actual delivery. San Antonio has many midwives. We also have birth centers.

Some classes discuss available local birthing options. Some have a diverse group of students, providing a great place to learn from each other. We took Bradley classes for Felicia’s birth. I highly recommend them.

Whatever you’re considering, remember: it’s your birth. You have a lot of choices. There will always be things beyond your control. Choose a care provider and birthing place you trust. In the end, we all want positive experiences, with happy, healthy babies and mamas.