Passionate About San Antonio
and the Moms Who Live Here

I Didn’t Marry My Best Friend

My husband and I are celebrating nine years of marriage this year. Those of you with double-digit anniversary numbers are probably rolling your eyes at me, and those of you with one or two years of marriage under your belts may think I might know a little about what I’m talking about.

I don’t.

After nine years we are still figuring it out and still failing and succeeding on a regular basis. However, I have learned a few things over the last nine years:

1. I didn’t marry my best friend.
Ugh, but that’s the standard phrase, right? When someone gets engaged or posts an anniversary pic, it’s usually captioned with “married my best friend” or something along those lines. In my case, it’s not true. I didn’t marry my best friend.

I met my best friend when I was six years old, and she is still my best friend today. She knows every detail of my life, from my first kiss down to my deepest secrets. When we get together, we giggle about that first kiss and talk about past boyfriends, Spring Break road trips, how my feet stink after a few hours of wearing my new Toms, how bad my cramps were with my last period, and how sometimes we feel like punching our kids in the nose (which we don’t, just for the record). We check out each other’s questionable moles, give honest feedback on whether that new dress makes our butts look big, and occasionally talk about how our husbands are driving us nuts but we love them anyway.

She doesn’t want to snuggle with me or kiss just for fun. She wouldn’t rub my feet unless there was a medically necessary reason. She thinks my kids are great but no doubt favors hers over mine.
That’s my best friend.

I married my lover, my partner. We snuggle and talk about how our kids are the best (and best-looking) things in the entire world. He rubs my feet (after a shower), and we work through the details of living a life side by side. We stress over bills together and work out what hurts deep in our hearts.

My husband doesn’t want to hear about my stinking Toms feet. Trust me—he’s well aware of them. He won’t tell me that my butt looks big in the new dress because he loves and fears me at the same time. He won’t investigate my questionable mole but will recommend I see a doctor, and he never, ever talks about my first kiss because, ewww.

I have the best friend a girl could ask for and have no desire to marry her. When I met my husband, she was the first person I wanted to tell that I had found the person I wanted to spend my life with, have children with, and call my husband, because those are the exciting things you share with your BFF.

2. Sometimes marriage just sucks.
Don’t you just love weddings? The gifts, the cake, the candles, the music, and the bride—oh, the beautiful bride! Here’s a secret: that’s just one day—a few hours, actually. A marriage has nothing to do with a wedding. Every marriage will face days when one or both want to throw in the towel and call it quits. Every marriage has days when you want to “accidentally” back over your spouse with your car, but since our cars come equipped with back-up cameras now, we can’t claim it as an accident and refrain. Marriage can be brutal.

3. Marriage totally rocks.
My husband knows me in a way that no one else will ever know. He knows every curve of my body and cherishes each detail that makes me who I am. He reminds me how awesome he thinks my body is for giving us our children and tells his friends what a wonderful mom he thinks I am. He knows by the arc in my eyebrow if I’m sad or mad, and either way he knows the cure. He makes sure there’s always coffee for me when I wake up, either out of fear of the monster I am without coffee or because he enjoys pleasing me. Every night when I go to bed I have the security of his strong hands wrapped around mine and know that through good, awesome, terrible, and downright horrible times, he will always be with me.

Marriage rocks when you know you are loved through all of your flaws and cherished for all of your gifts.

4. You can’t always have it your way.
I like my way. My way is the right way—I promise. I know how to perfectly fold a towel, change a baby’s diaper correctly, and arrange the dishes in the dishwasher—well, until I got married, that is. Compromising is not one of my strong skills. Who in the world taught this man the wrong way to fold a towel? As if it they are going to fit in the cabinet if they’re folded like that! When our triplets were born I almost had to duct tape my mouth shut so I wouldn’t give him step-by-step directions on how to “properly” (read: my way) change their diapers. He changed several of his first daughter’s diapers and she turned out great, so I let it slide with the triplets.

In a good and loving marriage you will need to learn to compromise, give in, let go, and shut up. Plus, a towel works the same way no matter how wrongly it is folded.

5. Marriage takes hard work.
It’s not fun to wash someone else’s dirty underwear, no matter how much you love them. It’s not fun to stay awake while the beast next to you blows down a forest with his growls, or snores, or whatever you want to call them. It’s not fun to have to be the light when someone else is in a dark place. It takes work—hard work. It takes far more work than it did to plan that fancy wedding or fit into that perfect dress. It takes serious, selfless devotion and commitment.

6. It’s a ton of fun.
There’s nothing like belly laughs with your spouse, the kind of laughs that remind you why you are together in the first place. There’s nothing sweeter than having your husband open your car door as if it were your first date. There’s nothing better than bragging on your kids to the one who totally gets how perfect they are. My husband likes to watch me ride my bike around the cul-de-sac, and I like to watch him dance with the kids. We like to tease each other and sneak in butt grabs when the kids aren’t looking. Marriage can be a ton of fun. You know what else is a ton of fun? Calling your best friend and giggling about how silly and awesome your husband is.

7. Sometimes the beauty comes after the storm.
A storm will hit your marriage sooner or later. Some marriages’ storms are worse than others. Some face hurricanes while others face drizzle. Marriages face death of loved ones, infidelity, broken trust, rebellious kids, financial ruin, or complete loss. Some face all of the above. I know for a fact that staying and fixing what broke will make you stronger. We’ve become such an instant gratification society that our quick fix is to walk away, but if you weather the storm, shelter each other from the debris, and pick up the pieces together you will discover that sometimes the beauty comes after the storm. When I repeated my vows to my husband and said, “for better or worse,” I meant it. I did not say, “for better or I’m bailing if things get hard.” Be brave in the storm.

I’m not an expert on marriage, and I probably have no business giving advice, but I do know that marriage can be messy and hard. I know that it can be beautiful and fulfilling. I know for sure that it can be bent and shaken, but it’s a lifelong journey. Appreciate and learn from the broken moments. Celebrate and dance in the good moments. It’s all worth it.

169 Responses to I Didn’t Marry My Best Friend

  1. Juliette May 15, 2015 at 12:55 pm #

    Super happy to be a lesbian right now.

  2. Chelsea May 14, 2015 at 1:11 pm #

    I really enjoyed this article. I am getting married this October. Although #1 isn’t true for me, this really gives me a lot of confidence moving forward with the love of my life. Well-written, a tad sassy/funny, and practical. Thanks for the good read Candice! 🙂 Have a wonderful day.

    • candice
      candice May 14, 2015 at 1:34 pm #

      Thank you, Chelsea. Blessings to you and your future husband!

    • Carol May 28, 2015 at 6:48 am #

      If you “say” number one isn’t true for you, then you missed the point of the article.

      • Laura M June 18, 2015 at 2:36 pm #

        Some of us.. actually have the opposite gender as their best friend, and are fortunate enough that sometimes that person is also our partner. I have plenty of close friends, but after 11 years of being best friends – I am with, and will be marrying my best friend. I do all of these things with him still, as strange as it sounds. These are the things I had always done with him.

        So yes – for some people number 1 isn’t true.. I don’t have anyone else in my life that I would call my best friend, and my now partner is the only person who ever earned that title.

        Although I do truly understand the point of the article (and I am not bashing it by any means, I think it’s amazing, and truly get that most of the time these things should be separated, and it is healthy for them to be separate which is why I have many close friends outside of our relationship)

  3. Lindsey April 17, 2015 at 7:15 pm #

    Lovely article, so true! I love my daughter to bits, but she’s not my best friend either!

    • Carol May 28, 2015 at 6:50 am #

      Exactly

  4. Maria April 16, 2015 at 4:40 pm #

    I may not have married my best friend, but I am married to my best friend now. After 22 years of marriage, I can honestly say that he became my best friend. I don’t have anyone with whom every detail of my life is shared so openly and thoroughly. I can say absolutely whatever is in my head with no fear of reprisals or long-term issues – I don’t know a single person outside of my husband with whom I can be like that (and vice versa for that matter, it is a two way street).

    I love my other friends but none other compare to him. Even though he won’t tell me something makes me look fat, not out of fear, but because he says everything looks good on me (I think he’s crazy but lucky for me love is still blind!) and I do have friends that can help me when I shop. However, they don’t fill that very best friend role for me.

    • Jethad May 18, 2015 at 1:21 pm #

      I am with you, no he was not my best friend when we married almost 30 years ago, but today he is my best and most important friend. Yes, I have girl friends and boy friends of all different ages and whom I have known for months or since birth. I can call any one of them at any time and they will be there for me and I for them, however, they can never be as good a friend as my husband!

      When there is good or bad news, or anthing to do, he is the one I want to share it with. Thankfully, he feels the same way. And he will tell me if something doesn’t look good on me, he picks out clothes better than I do and would never let me wear something that made me look fat, funny, or whatever. Of course, he says I am not fat and will say things like the color or pattern doesn’t look good. There could be no other person in the universe that knows me as well as he does nor know him as well as I know him. He spoils me every day and yes, after almost 30 years of marriage, he is my best friend, not my best girlfriend or boyfriend, but my best friend.

      Yes, marriage is not all fun and roses, but if you can’t stand to spend time with the person you marry, it will make it all the harder. I cringe when I hear Moms or Dads say “my kids come first”. Your spouse should be your first priority. Yes, you have to raise your children, but take it from some very happy empty nesters, they will move out/away and it will be you and your spouse left at home. If your kids were your top priority, you won’t know how to spend time just you and your spouse and that is when the trouble starts. We basically spend 24 hours a day together and wouldn’t have it any other way. Yes, he has his interest and I have mine, but mostly we enjoy doing the same thing and doing it together. We had our children young and we were able to retire early, now we get to enjoy spending time together doing what we love most. We have two beautiful girls and five very beautiful grandchildren. We are all still close and spend a lot of time together, but when we say ‘we are going camping and no kids or grandkids allowed’, they all know we need time to ourselves and leave us alone. This makes the trips that we do take the grandkids camping even more special cause they know that it won’t happen every time.

      That was a very long way to say; you may not marry your best friend, but by the time your kids are grown and gone, your spouse should be your very best friend because there will be no buffer between you when it is just the two of you. And no, that does not take anything way from them being your lover, if anything it makes it better.

      • Maria May 20, 2015 at 2:44 pm #

        Jethad… well said.

      • Carmen June 15, 2015 at 8:21 pm #

        Exactly how I feel. My husband is my best friend.
        If I had only one day remaining on earth and I could spend it with only one person…. I would choose my husband because he’s me best friend.
        And I do put him before my children but I also put him before every female friend. He’s my number one and I can’t imagine him not being my best friend.

      • Carmen June 15, 2015 at 8:23 pm #

        …….and we’ve been married 28 years.

  5. Tim April 15, 2015 at 6:11 am #

    My wife is my best friend for sure! I don’t really have any other friends and I am okay with that. when we hot married, I dumped all of my friends when they told me getting married was going to be a big mistake, they weren’t true friends. If god brings me sime guy pals to hang with that’s okay I guess, but I am totally okay with my wife being my best friend. She is the only one I share everything with and I wouldn’t want to have it any other way. Even if I had some guy pals to hang with, I would juat be talking about sports and the weather, not anything deep; that is reserved for my best friend: my wife. Just because she is my best friend doesn’t mean she is not also my lover and life partner. 14.5 years and still going!

    • Grant April 15, 2015 at 2:55 pm #

      Glad that it works out for you that way. Couldn’t imagine not having my dude weekends to unwind in ways you just can’t do with the wifey around (not talking about anything unfaithful like), but to each their own!

  6. Barb April 14, 2015 at 10:01 pm #

    I have been married for 26 years. I really did marry my best friend. My husband will always be my best friend until death do us part. The things that was mentioned that you do with your best friend can be done with a good girlfriend which most women have. I can share any and everything with my husband. There is no one else in this world I trust like that except Jesus. lol…Your blog was great and I’m so glad it is working for you. That is truly what marriage is about. You find what’s works for you. Being with my husband brings me great joy. There is no one I’d rather spend time with more than him. Thanks for posting. Keep enjoying each other for the next 9 years and the next and the next….

  7. married 3 years April 14, 2015 at 9:35 pm #

    what a bunch of gibberish

  8. Angela April 14, 2015 at 7:48 pm #

    OMG getting ready to celebrate my 20th and have been reflecting on what to do for this occasion. I read your post and was put to watery eyes and inspired as I too have experienced all of these “truths”. Thank you for sharing it so eloquently!!

  9. Josh April 14, 2015 at 7:40 am #

    Hi Candice,

    In your biography you share that when you are writing you’d like to share your faith with others. However, this post about marriage, the most holy relationship on Earth, the emboddiment of the perfect relationship between Jesus Christ and the Church, did not include any aspect of your faith of both you and your husband’s walk. I encourage you next time to share about your faith and how it ties into your marriage, because your growth together as a married couple in the word ultimately brings you closer to eachother. Praying for you!

    • Caroline April 14, 2015 at 1:07 pm #

      Good gosh. Just because you decide to follow Jesus does not mean that everything you do and say is a direct message towards others. I feel that your reply insinuates that she is of less faith and love towards Christ than you. Yuck.

    • Brandy April 15, 2015 at 10:20 am #

      I think it was a great way to share your faith. We are called to help others, and sharing your testimony about your marriage really helped me! Thank you!

      It is very possible a non believer would read this post and think.. “Wow I like this, let me read about the writer. Oh she’s a Christian? Let me look more into Christian teachings about Marriage.” -gets saved… And BOOM helps others. I think Candice did her job. Thanks Candice for being the hands and feet of Jesus.

      • Lt Arehart paul June 4, 2015 at 5:50 pm #

        Hello, I Am Arehart Paul direct from NATO camp Kabul Afghanistan,but i was born and brought up in Texas ,US ..it will be a pleasure knowing you better if you don’t mind.reply me asap.

    • Shannon April 16, 2015 at 1:38 pm #

      Not every story in a Christian’s life has to be a testimony to share with others. This entry is an entry ANY married person can relate to, regardless of their religious beliefs. The fact it is pro-marriage can be testimony enough. You have no idea what her future plans are for a follow up on this entry. If you would prefer every entry to be a testimony, go write your own blog. Otherwise, leave it to the blog writer to decide how and when to write their personal testimonies into their entries.

  10. Penny April 14, 2015 at 12:18 am #

    I had a few best friends, and when they were all done using me up and did not need me to watch there children any more or buy them something nice, they walked out of my life and left me heart broken and wondering why, so I quit having friends and put all my time and energy into raising my children, after many years my husband became my best friend, we have been married going on 33 years this August, and I can say I would of liked to have someone to giggle with, but after all these years, I have many wonderful women in my life, but my best friend is my hubby. GOD bless.

  11. Sue B April 13, 2015 at 4:07 pm #

    I agree with most of your comments, although I know some marriages are a mismatch.

    We have been married 40 years and I am married to my best friend. He wasn’t my best friend at first, but we have grown together through the years and now we consider each other to be best friends. For one thing, we have a long history together which helps us understand each other and value our marriage even when we disagree or argue.

    Knowing that you can’t always have things your way is a key. Compromise by both partners is imperative. My husband and I are total opposites. I am extroverted and like to do things. He is introverted and would just as soon go out and trim the bushes or mow the lawn that go to a party. He would rather read a book than go to an event. We recognize that in each other, so I go out or travel by myself sometimes and he is content to stay home (as long as I call and check in with him. He worries about me driving or flying by myself.) We respect each other and value each other as people.

    I joke that our “secret” is we hated each other when we first met. He thought I was too much of a party girl and I thought he was such a nerd. When you don’t like someone, you know all of their faults. We had many mutual friends in college, though, and were often together with the group. We learned to tolerate each other and we eventually became friends. As friends, you know each other faults but you also know the good things, the assets. Then you can fall in love and not believe the myths like “the knight in shining armor” or the “the June Cleaver, perfect wife.”

    My husband is the kindest, most honest man ever. He had a rough childhood, so he says I brought joy into his life. And he brought sensibility and a budget into mine! (Thank goodness or I would have been homeless and broke!)

    Now my sons are getting married and I feel if people spent as much time and effort on their marriage as they do on the wedding (ONE DAY of your life), maybe there would be more happy marriages. Our wedding was very “bare-bones” with a small cake and punch reception. No musicians, no buffets, no wedding planner. But somehow it “took.”

    Best wishes to all you married couples out there. I hope you find joy and peace.

  12. Jane April 13, 2015 at 9:32 am #

    When 2 different people come together in marriagel it’s a daily work in progress. You will find differences in each other as long as you live. People are constantly learning and growing and changing. You understand this and work together. I dated my husband 6 weeks and we got married. We have been through everything you can experience in life, sickness, death of two daughters, and everything in between. But we always manage to support each other and remember the reason we married in the first place. LOVE. Life is not easy sometimes but with prayer and our commitment to ” death do us part,” you can make it. We just celebrated our 62nd wedding anniversary on April 3. ALL IN ALL IT’S BEEN A GOOD LIFE.

  13. my3sunzz April 12, 2015 at 12:06 am #

    its been 29 for us. I hate stinky feet and butt cracks hanging out of jeans. best friend, NOT.

  14. Tori April 11, 2015 at 10:06 pm #

    This is a good read and I definitely agree with your points. Marriage definitely takes “heart” work. You have to really give it your all, etc. But, I must say that I married my best friend. Yes, it’s cliche but for some, I think it’s true. My husband and I will celebrate our 13th anniversary this year. We’ve known each other since 7th grade. I had no interest or any type of crush on him whatsoever, but we talked on the phone, shared secrets, talked about each other’s relationship with other people, etc. everyday! Little did I know, he started liking me. After a few years (senior yr in high school), we decided to give the bf/gf relationship a try. For us, I think it helps us work situations out when we hit that “marriage sucks” phase. I think to myself, this is my buddy, my ace, my lover, my babes and he knows me and I LOVE HIM. During those times, I think about our friendship times along with the times we’ve had/have as a couple and that makes me want to fight for our marriage cause I don’t want to give that up. As the years increase, you learn more of each other and you also learn how to respond, communicate and love better. We have some beautiful and fun times together…..and even tho it’s not frequent, a bad storm will still occur. But don’t ever pull over and wait to see if the storm vanish…you take control of the wheel and keep driving and you’ll successfully go right through it!

  15. Misty April 11, 2015 at 8:05 pm #

    I did marry my best friend. Maybe he wasn’t my best friend when it all started, but 17 yrs later, things have changed. My best girlfriend from school and I have drifted apart. And my husband I have gotten closer year by year. I do check his moles and he would check mine if asked. We talk about stinky feet and the like. He’s my number 1 go to person for pretty much anything I can think of.

    I have new friends, but they haven’t known me as long as he has. And my mom is one of my closest friends, but there are things you just don’t share with a mom….or I don’t. So while this may be true for you, it’s not universal. I married my best friend who is also my lover, and many other wonderful things to me.

    • Mmama April 12, 2015 at 10:07 am #

      Exactly. I can say 43 years later I am married to my best friend who became my best friend over time. I have a best girlfriend but it a totally different relationship. He has cleaned up the trail as I ran to the bathroom with the flu and helped clean me up after, my best girlfriend would laugh at the story and we would roar about it. You don’t live with your girlfriend 24/7, you live with your spouse. It’s messy, difficult and often not fun and not what you wanted to do some days. But I imagine a close relationship with anyone would be the same way.

  16. Carlene April 11, 2015 at 7:03 pm #

    I agree. I agree. I agree.

  17. Kirsta April 11, 2015 at 6:31 pm #

    I thought I married my best friend and my lover. Recently he had decided he doesn’t want to be married anymore. On top of that he had started telling horrible lies about me, accusing me of horrible things like cheating and wanting him dead. I don’t understand why he went from planning or view renewal just six months ago to what he is doing now. Or why he is telling so many lies about me. He is also hurting or children immensely in the process. He takes no responsibility and gets angry at me for telling the truth.
    I desperately want my best friend and my lover back. My children want their dad back. I want my partner back, but every day that God by and the more damage he does, the less I feel that getting him back is possible. We are all heart broken.

    • Sue B April 13, 2015 at 3:45 pm #

      Kirsta, if this started suddenly, he may have something going on physically or mentally. Has he seen a doctor recently? I know you can’t make him go see someone, but I would talk to my own doctor if I were you and see if there is any way he can get help. Some brain tumors can cause personality changes. Hormonal issues (which can be the result of a tumor or malfunction in an organ) can result in personality changes. If there is a way to get him to see a doctor (maybe a friend of his or a colleague could convince him), I think that would be a reasonable place to start. If it’s not a physical or organic issue, then it may not be worth sticking it out, especially since he is affecting the children as well as you.

    • angela johnson April 14, 2015 at 11:27 pm #

      i am so very sorry for what you and your family are dealing with… have you considered he may be dealing with some type of mental illness? it may be worth discussing with your doctor, clergy, a social worker, or, other compassionate professional that may be able to add some valuable insight…i am not a medical professional, but, that is one of the first ideas that hit me after reading your comments… God bless you all…best wishes to you and yours

    • S April 15, 2015 at 10:21 am #

      Krista…sounds alarmingly like Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You might want to research it—there are a lot of resources on the internet now where just a few years ago there weren’t. It might not be the answer, of course, but I really hope you check it out just in case.

  18. Deb April 11, 2015 at 2:09 pm #

    I have a grown up male who will pick away at any and all faults in me.

    This article is for those who have the love of their life and their lifelong partner.

    I do not have this, but , I am still married. I am glad to see that there are good marriages out there.

  19. Jenny April 11, 2015 at 10:22 am #

    I completely agree. I have always felt this way. Same with my daughters, they will never be my best friends. I hope we always have a great Mother/Daughter relationship but I will never tell my daughters what I would only tell my best friends. And honestly, I don’t think I want to know everything my daughters would tell their best friends. I became a wife and a mother so I could be a wife and be a mother. I already have a best friend.
    Although I don’t completely agree with number 7. Marriages latest through it all back then because women didn’t have much choice or resources. My mother was beaten and allowed some of her children to be beaten also because her parents felt, like you, that marriages were forever through better or for worse. She had no one to help her and not much confidence. She’s 67 and I still occasionally see bruises on a jaw bone or arm.
    My friend stayed with her cheating husband even after the young 19 year old came into our work bragging about the affair and later, abortion. Years later my friend still is permanently scarred. Yes, they are still married but their is no relationship between them. It’s not a life for either of them or their children but hey, they didn’t get that divorce, right? I just wish when people make those comments about how marriages lasted then and don’t last now, remember that lots go on behind close doors and no, not all people should have to put up with those things for the sake of “staying married”. Your worse will not be the same as another’s. Both parties have to be in it, not one trying to keep the marriage going while the other gets to live like a care free 21 year old.

  20. Allison April 11, 2015 at 8:02 am #

    Well I walked away from my marriage after 5 years. Some things cannot be fixed, or worked through, regardless of faith or anything else. Didn’t think being married to a child molester was worth fighting for. There are reasons people have to walk away…keep that in mind when your preaching.

    • Joy April 11, 2015 at 8:42 am #

      There are exceptions to everything. I think yours is one in this case.

  21. Josephine Murray April 11, 2015 at 3:37 am #

    What a wonderful honest Read. We have been married 43 years and I have always said that marriage is a work in progress for life .And if you survive, then you’re a keeper. All the happenings and challenges are testing. Beautifully and absolutely true. Thank you Candice.

  22. Sue April 10, 2015 at 11:28 pm #

    thanks

  23. Chan April 10, 2015 at 6:11 pm #

    Thank you so much, I enjoyed every word. I love the honesty. Thank you for the encouragement.

  24. Je'Don Holloway-Talley April 10, 2015 at 12:14 pm #

    Wow, what a brutally honest and true depiction of marriage! My husband and I just made 5 years and we are really learning the phases of marriage lol. Your honesty let’s me know that we’re really quite normal, and as long as we keep on loving one another, through all that comes our way, we’ll make it to another 5 years! 🙂 Check my blog out, and positive blog that celebrates life, culture, people, and celebrates their awesomeness! Lifeculturepeople.squarespace.com I’ve subscribed to your nlog, I look forward to further posts!

    -Je’Don Holloway-Talley

  25. Carol Hicks April 10, 2015 at 9:15 am #

    What a beautifully written piece about marriage! I lost my husband of 48 years 1 1/2 years ago and there is still a huge hole that he used to fill. I feel guilty when I think about the time, in my own frustration, that I said unkind things to him or didn’t consider his feelings, but I know that’s a part of life. We had a very special relationship but it wasn’t always perfect. We had to weather a few storms along the way but I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything!! I thank God every day for allowing me to share his life for 48 years!

    • kelly April 10, 2015 at 11:49 am #

      April10,2015
      My name is kelly, thank you so much for your encouraging story. My daughter sent this to me to read. I have been married 36 years now. Happy, sad, and heart breaking times also. My children are in their 30s we have 4 grandchildren life is very blessed. I have been a mom and wife at home occasionally work part time, at 54 i think i am very blessed to be able to be home. It has not been easy on one income but thats what i choose. Weathering storms of our daughter being struck with terminal brain cancer and the worries that comes with this. Rough times come and go along with the happier ones but i have always thought that my husband was my best friend. Maybe not, as u describe your bff i realize my daughter is my best friend and i cant imagine life without her. Thank you for your story very encouraging to me in more ways then you know.

  26. Melanie April 10, 2015 at 9:12 am #

    Thanks so much for this writing this. I see that statement all the time and use to wonder what was wrong with me because like you I didn’t marry my best friend either. However I did marry my God given, created just for me, specifically designed to marry me, 100% now and forever my soul mate. That’s exactly what we are true soul mates not best friends and guess what it’s totally ok. This June we will celebrate 15 years of marriage and they have not been easy but worth it. We believe in investing in our marriage through classes, counseling, marriage retreats and our time. We date each other often but also make sure we spend family time with our beautiful baby girl. Marriage is not easy but it’s definitely worth it. Thanks again for this article.

  27. Kelly April 10, 2015 at 9:11 am #

    Yeah, I get what you are saying. But after 6 years, my husband knows me better than anyone. There is nobody I would rather spend time with, and we LIKE each other, stinky feet and all. When something wonderful or awful happens, he is the first person I want to talk to and tell him about it, and he is the same with me. While I do have a female best friend (who, by the way, we don’t talk about all the crap you talk about with yours…….maybe as we get older, it’s different, but we talk about a lot of things, and at 48 years old, I could care less about my first kiss……really…..there are so many other things to talk about) When you talk about your best friend, you sound like a school girl. Maybe you have a childhood best friend and a grownup best friend. Because, really, how many of us are still talking about that crap on a regular basis as grown ups?

    • Emmi April 12, 2015 at 12:53 pm #

      I do not think your critical comments on her relationship with her best friend were necessary or helpful. The writer is just illustrating some of the contrasts between her relationship with the best friend and the husband. I really do not get why people like you say things like you did.

      • candice
        candice April 12, 2015 at 12:57 pm #

        Thank you Emmi. That’s exactly what I was tryng to do but I also understand that not eveyone will get it.

      • To sassy Kelly April 13, 2015 at 9:17 am #

        I also resent the fact that you took time out of your obviously perfectly mature life to criticise a woman for her personal statements in a blog. Hope you have a nice view from up on that high horse. With all the “grown up” topics on the internet, I’m AMAZED how you found your haughty self-righteousness here on this blog at all. Good luck filtering through all the “crap” you’re forced to face today. Ms. Kelly.

  28. Leslie Castle April 10, 2015 at 8:11 am #

    From another vantage point…
    Granted, I may have not MARRIED my best friend but after almost 43 years of marriage, he has BECOME my best friend. He knows me better than anybody except maybe my sister who has known me her whole life and was raised exactly as I was and of course, is a female.
    My husband and I love being together, doing the same things (or just being together and NOT doing the same things), can complete each other’s sentences and know what the other will order in a restaurant because we are probably going to order the same thing! Some people might consider that boring but we find it to be secure, comforting and some of what makes a life. Peace in our lives comes first from God and then from the moments spent together. We have grown together and we are a unit.
    He and I know marriage rocks and sucks…we’ve been through both and know that no matter what the future brings we will survive and thrive and remain together.
    And he WILL tell me when my butt looks big in a new dress. I can also tell from the twinkle in his eyes when it is something he REALLY likes. He has checked questionable moles (and more) and has gone with me to the doctor or better yet, shown up, unexpected, to support me when getting an anxiously awaited report from a doctor – even after telling him I’d be fine on my own!
    We talk to each other about how we are driving each other nuts, work it out, apologize and then often laugh about it. We have shared the ups and downs of raising our children. We have cried together, seeing our parents (and other family and friends) go through sickness, divorce, trouble, aging and passing away. He has held me when I cried until I had no breath left to cry. He is the first one I call when I have done something I am ashamed of and need to confess/vent. He is the first one I call when I have something about which to rejoice.
    If he snores at night, I give him a gentle push and he knows to roll to the side and quiets down. If he continues to snore, I thank God that he is sleeping well and by my side – not all my friends are so blessed. I DO enjoy folding his underwear, rolling his socks and ironing his shirts. It is an opportunity to pray for him and for whatever is going on in his day and to thank God that my husband gave me the freedom to stay home and raise my kids when that was what we both wanted, to work outside the home when I wanted to do that and now provides the opportunity for me to stay home and serve others when there is a need.
    I love that phrase that resonated with me when I heard it from a close friend speaking of her and her husband, “We are a unit.” I have checked with some of my double-digit married friends to see if I am way off base and have found unanimous agreement. My husband is the love of my life. And yes, while I have many other wonderful, dear, precious friends (even one from the fifth grade), my husband IS my best friend. And who better? God intended us to become one.

    • Dan April 10, 2015 at 8:50 am #

      Ditto. After 34 years , 4 Kids, and 7 Grandkids (so far), there is no one I’d rather spend every minute of every day with than my wife. While we are our own people, with our own individual likes and dislikes, we share so much in common that we would rather “hang out” with each other than with anybody else.

      We are best friends….and she loves Football! I mean come on! How cool is that?

    • Clara Mills April 15, 2015 at 9:46 am #

      I was (am) married to the best man I ever met in all of my 83 years. He may not have been my best friend at first. He was always the love of my life. Somewhere along our 64 YEARS 5 months 26 days together we became one and he was definitely my BEST FRIEND. We were individuals who loved and admired our different personalities. After so many years together we knew what the other one was thinking. Just a smile or a look told the other that we were in agreement with whatever was happening. Our last two years together were right up there with the birth of our children grandchildren traveling in our mobile home etc. When you know the end of life as you have known it is ending, you make the very most of every day. I know he is happy and some day if it is GOD’s plan I hope to be with him again. This may sound sad, but it the opposite. I have been so blessed. John Lennons love song “Grow Old Along With Me” is very appropriate.

  29. Susan April 10, 2015 at 12:32 am #

    I love your take on the best friend issue with a spouse. After 41 years of marriage later this month I can definitely say I didn’t marry mine. We’re totally opposite in temperament, the way in which we handle life’s problems, I could go on and on. We’ve had our differences and nearly went separate ways several times. But we’ve stuck it out and are still together. When I need to unload about something that bothers me I have several girlfriends I can call or a sibling. Now those are my BFFs.

  30. Whitney April 9, 2015 at 9:39 pm #

    Beautifully written.
    You hit most of the points I have been starting to realize myself.
    I’ve been married a very very short time (about a year and a half) and recently we hit one of those storms you mentioned. It has certainly been tough, but I too said “for better or for worse” and meant it.
    I also think social media puts the added pressure on today’s relationships.
    My husband and I both are, what you might say, addicted to social media (ha) and we post a lot about the good times in our lives.
    As with other couples, you might look at it and say “wow their relationship looks perfect!” but people must realize that everyone picks and chooses what goes on Facebook.
    I think marriages, especially young ones, need to take a step back from the smartphones and computers and focus on each other in the moment, not comparing to what someone else’s relationship appears to be.
    I enjoyed your blog very much!
    Congratulations on a successful marriage and beautiful family!

  31. shy April 9, 2015 at 8:33 pm #

    Omg. Thank you for this article. I was just saying this the other day. I said the same thing. Marriage does suck sometimes. Me & hubby have been married only 4 months but we were together for 11 years. Marriage changed everything, not always in the best way. I absolutely love someone else’s honesty. Women aren’t honest with each other. They act like marriage is all perfect. I feel like I’m the only “wife” not always blissful. Again thank you definitely needed this article.

  32. Stacey April 9, 2015 at 8:32 pm #

    Wow….finally someone actually said it! No, I did not marry my best friend either 26 years ago, and I don’t mind sharing it. I thought something was wrong for a long time because you hear that so much! Now I understand that it would be too much pressure for my husband to try and be ‘everything’ to me. I need my girl friends and am so grateful for our girlie times. My husband is the most wonderful man, but he cannot relate to a woman like another woman can. TRUTH. But for those few who did marry your best friend, that is wonderful! …it just didn’t happen for me, and that is OK. Well written blog – thank you for sharing.

  33. Tara April 9, 2015 at 8:25 pm #

    Thank you for writing this! It is nice to hear someone else say “I didn’t marry my best friend” because I didn’t either! I consider my husband the love of my life but like you I met my best friend at a very young age and she’s a huge part of my life. I think it’s wonderful that people can find romantic love and a best friend in the same place but I also think it’s nice to spread the love around a little. I feel lucky to have two people I love so dearly! Thanks again for sharing!

  34. Laurie Duplantis April 9, 2015 at 7:06 pm #

    Love this! While in my case my husband IS my best friend, so many of the points you made ring true for us! Today (4-9-2015) is our 27th wedding anniversary and I couldn’t imagine a world without him in it. He is my everything and while I would love to say that they have been 27 easy, non painful, perfect years that simply would not be true. We have learned a lot growing up with each other (I was 14 and he was 15 when we met, we’ve been together almost 31 years) and the most important thing we learned is that apart from God, no one will ever love us as much as we love each other! We are two halves to a whole (sometimes a slightly out of shape whole, but a whole nonetheless) and neither of us would have it any other way!

    • candice
      candice April 9, 2015 at 7:08 pm #

      Love it! Thank you

  35. Nancy April 9, 2015 at 5:51 pm #

    i did not marry my best friend, in fact, we had dated over 3 years and we were still “in lust” when we got married. I believe I didn’t even love him when we got married because after 39 yrs. I now know what the true meaning of love in a marriage is and that’s not what we felt back then!!! I even thought the first 10-12 yrs. were very hard, having babies, learning finance issues, working full time, etc. and it could have gone either way!!! But we stuck it out, we are best friends, truly in love, enjoying life. I enjoyed the read as I could relate.

    • candice
      candice April 9, 2015 at 6:01 pm #

      Thank you for being honest and open. God bless

  36. Kristin April 9, 2015 at 3:37 pm #

    Interesting article and there are a lot of points that she makes that I do agree with. But I can honestly say that I did marry my best friend and he is my soul mate. He knows everything there is to know about me and we talk about everything. I have been married for 11 years and I can honestly say that never once have I ever considered or felt like throwing in the towel or quitting on my marriage. Nor have I ever had the thought to “accidentally back over my husband with my car. This article just seemed to really bug me because it is not true for everyone yet it kind of came across as though this is how everyone’s marriage is or is going to be. And that’s just not the case. My husband is everything to me and the love of my life. He is the only man I have ever dated and the only man I have ever loved. Yes, marriage takes work and compromise but it also takes a high level of commitment. And if you have a strong commitment to each other and in God you can weather all the storms there are together and come out stronger on the other side. And I am by no means saying that I have a perfect marriage because that doesn’t exist, there is no perfect in this world. But I do have an amazing marriage and we have had our moments of arguments and things like that and our ups and downs. But I have a marriage full of love, commitment, laughter, happiness and joy!! So for me, I did marry my best friend.

    • candice
      candice April 9, 2015 at 3:48 pm #

      I think it’s amazing that you are married to your best friend. The title of the artilce is “I didn’t marry my best friend” so I was in no way implying that you or anyone else did not marry their best friend. It’s also the reason I stated at the begining of the artilce that “in my case” I did not marry my best friend. I agree that every marriage has it’s ups and downs and that there is no perfect marriage by any stretch. When I said we feel like backing over our spouses it was meant as a joke. I tend to forget that not everyone has my relaxed sense of humor.

      • Mom April 16, 2015 at 1:29 am #

        Perfectly restated Candise.

        BTW people- if anyone says they have not even once thought about backing over their spouse -kudos to you.

        Keep living the dream…

        This article is realistic…

  37. Annie April 9, 2015 at 3:00 pm #

    you suggest weathering the storm includes infidelity. I’m not sure I agree. I’ve been married 18 years and with my husband for 23. I’ve always been deeply in love with him. We’ve definitely had ups and downs…raising 4 children, building his career and traveling while I stayed home, and unexpected death of his father, etc.. These were all storms. I also believed another storm was when he became distant, not as kind and not intimate. I believe it had to do with the crazy lifestyle we lived with our kids and his travel. I brought it to his attention and suggested we focus on us. He focused for about a month. I found out by accident he was having an affair. It was 6 mos in the making and 2.5 yr of full blown affair. When I found out he begged me to work on it and said he didn’t want to lose me. Unfortunately it took him an additional 7-8 month to get over her. I’ve never experienced such excruciating pain, days I couldn’t function basically didn’t think I’d survive. Don’t you think he thru in the towel, wasn’t willing to weather the storm by having the affair?? I’ve been working on this now for 15 mos. trying to trust, mourning the things lost by all this, wondering if I can live with this the rest of our lives and wondering if I can ever forgive. Even though now he is back 100%, says he’d die without me I feel this is beyond a storm.

    • candice
      candice April 9, 2015 at 3:52 pm #

      I’m truly sorry for what you have gone through. My heart goes out to you. You are in my prayers.

    • Kathy April 11, 2015 at 11:00 am #

      Annie – I’ve been where you are. I can tell you it took a long time to work through all the hurt and betrayal but today our marriage is wonderful. I’m so grateful my husband gave me the time I needed. He was patient and loving. He is truly my soulmate and I’m crazy in love with him. It was worth the work.

      • Tim April 15, 2015 at 7:58 am #

        I don’t know if I could recover from an affair. It seems like too much to overcome. How could you ever trust a cheating spouse again? My wifw and I have dealt with trust issues and have played clise to the line and that was almost too much to feal with. The pain of an affair for both people seems like it would just be too much to bare. I pray to God that we never go down this road. You are a strong person to try and stick it out, but you really don’t have to and nobody will think anything less of you if you chose to walk away. The bible says divorce is justified in the case of marital unfaithfulness, which can mean many things. Wow. It is painful just to hear your story.

  38. Jim April 9, 2015 at 12:22 pm #

    Stinky feet issues to much more disgusting subjects…my wife and I discuss it all. The only difference between my best guy friends that I’ve known since childhood is we don’t want to bang each other. Put the element of the mutual desire for intimacy and I’ve found the best friend I can think of…my wife.

    10 years in, no kids as a choice, dual income, lots of travel….marriage has been a breeze.

    I guess everyone has a different experience, but she is my best friend.

  39. Jamie April 9, 2015 at 8:36 am #

    Awesome read! This is the dream and I love it and I am lucky enough to have it! My husband and I going on 11 years together 10 years married and it just gets better and better everyday! Love love the part about changing diapers and folding towels! Haha the little joys that make life so fun!

    • candice
      candice April 9, 2015 at 9:39 am #

      Thank you!

      • Cee April 9, 2015 at 12:33 pm #

        My husband and I have been married 16 years and that storm hit our marriage hard on the 15th year but thank God the storm blew over and didn’t wipe us out! Now were enjoying the beauty of restoration day at a time and one thing i learn is that the storm was necessary. Thank you for sharing your story.

        • candice
          candice April 9, 2015 at 1:33 pm #

          Thank you!

  40. James April 9, 2015 at 7:57 am #

    Very good article. My wife and I have been together for 12 years and have a 2 year old daughter. I consider her to be more than just my best friend. However, I think when people say, “I married my best friend.” they’re expressing a certain level of intimacy and respect that is different than the physical side of being married.

    • candice
      candice April 9, 2015 at 8:09 am #

      Thank you!

  41. Kasie April 9, 2015 at 7:54 am #

    Great blog, but I did marry my best friend – started dating when we were 16. So many people that I wish could comprehend going through hard times with their husband instead of just giving up, but it really is something they have to decide to do on their own. Our 30th “dating” anniversary is in August!! 25th wedding anniversary in March 2016 – so excited!

    • candice
      candice April 9, 2015 at 8:10 am #

      Thank you!

  42. Lewis Grant April 9, 2015 at 7:54 am #

    Wow! As a young mid-twenties guy getting married soon, this was an AMAZING read for me and my Fiance! Extremely well written, and we greatly appreciate you sharing!

    • candice
      candice April 9, 2015 at 8:12 am #

      Thank you!

  43. Becca April 9, 2015 at 6:58 am #

    My husband and I will have been married 25 years this June. You summed up a marriage so well. So many truths and honesty in your blog. We have had so many storms and rainbows through our years, almost through in the towel a couple times. We just didn’t consider that an option and we worked through those storms. Every one brought us closer together. Thank you for a great message this morning.

    • candice
      candice April 9, 2015 at 7:19 am #

      THank you!

  44. Noel April 8, 2015 at 10:56 pm #

    Thank you for a great article and some candid, realistic marriage talk! I love that you adress the joys and struggles of marriage. My husband and I are coming up on a year and we are dealing with the good and the bad already, only now realizing that “hey marriage is hard!” It’s good to hear other people talking openly about it though. We’re not freaks for fighting! I’m not a monster for having to bite my tounge every time my husband folds the towels so wrong! And I knew we couldn’t be the only ones butt grabbing when no one is looking at the grocery store! Thank you and keep posting honest talk like this- it’s truly fantastic!

    • candice
      candice April 9, 2015 at 5:47 am #

      Thank you. I love sneaky butt grabs!

  45. judy April 8, 2015 at 10:32 pm #

    Well, you are an expert in my eyes. Everything you mention has been true in my marriage of 25 years. Thanks for sharing- this is great advice!

    • candice
      candice April 9, 2015 at 5:47 am #

      Thank you!

  46. Brittney April 8, 2015 at 10:16 pm #

    But I did marry my best friend at age 16, im now 26. He’s also my partner, my lover, my companion, the one person who knows me/ loves me inside out! Some people don’t understand why I say my husband is my best friend. When you move around from k-9th ever single year, and it wasn’t until half of your freshman year you finally connected with someone / who accepted you despite all your flaws. That person is your best friend. Just imagine.

    Some of us don’t have the blessing of growing up in the same city/town/county/state, in the same house for- year(s). Which makes it impossible to keep/make friends.

    & maybe my husband and I have an extra special, once in a life time relationship. Just try to understand why some wife’s say they married their best friend. They may of not grown up the way you did.

    {my childhood was not desirable, my parents cared more about themselves than they did making a solid foundation for their children(futures) I moved every year until the second semester of my freshman year. When I met my husband, my best friend.) the only person who’s accepted me, stood by me, loved me, still loves me since age 14! In may 2015 we will celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary. You’re right marriage is hard but i don’t think its fair to say your best friend is what every other wife considers hers being her husband or not}

    • Brittney April 8, 2015 at 10:30 pm #

      God blessed me at the perfect time with the perfect man. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldnt have such a wonderful relationship with God. I really dislike this title, and wish you could understand why, where I am coming from. I didn’t have parents that took care of me, I bounced around from relative to relative and it wasn’t until I met him…

    • candice
      candice April 9, 2015 at 5:52 am #

      I am so thankful that you are married to your best friend. What a wonderful gift you have in him. I lived in 17 different houses before I hit 17 so I completely understand where you are coming from. I know many people do marry their best friend but it’s not the case for me which is why I titled it “I didn’t marry my best friend” and not “Everyone didn’t marry their best friend”. It’s also why I wrote ” In my case, it’s not true. I didn’t marry my best friend.”. I celebrate your marriage with you and count it as a true blessing.

  47. Kyndall April 8, 2015 at 9:06 pm #

    Very happy I ran across this blog… I’m getting married in 2 months to a guy I’ve dated for 7 years (On and off of course). I say ALL the time I’m not marrying my best friend and don’t want to. I have a best friend and she’s awesome. Everything you say I know will be true to us, This is a very encouraging read for soon to be newly weds… Thank you!

    • candice
      candice April 8, 2015 at 9:15 pm #

      thank you!

    • tiffany April 10, 2015 at 10:54 am #

      This is exactly how I feel. And on top of that I don’t want my hubby to be my best friend either. To each their own

  48. Robynn April 8, 2015 at 5:41 pm #

    This was perfect 🙂
    #1 isnt true for me: my husband and I were actually best friends before we ever became partners – so he already knows the juicy details of my first kiss, and I know his. But this is REALLY accurate <3 Loved every minute!

    • candice
      candice April 8, 2015 at 8:23 pm #

      Thank you!!

  49. Patricia April 8, 2015 at 3:12 pm #

    OMG this touched my heart on so many levels!! It’s refreshing to know there are still couples out there willing to give it their all & work to make the marriage last!! My husband & I will celebrate 24 yrs this June 1st 🙂 Like you said, it’s not always been easy, but it’s been soooo worth it!!!! I came as close to losing him as I ever want to get. He was run over by a drunk driver Dec 1, 2013. He is permanently disabled, but very lucky to be alive!! Going through all that was pure HELL!! But there was never a moments doubt where I wanted & needed to be!! He spent 4 1/2 months in the hospitlal. Was such an exciting, yet scary day when he finally came home. We lost our home to foreclosure (because the bank is only interested in getting their $) but we’re still together & he’s getting a little stronger day by day. We’ve been able to experience so many sweet, tender moments, that maybe wouldn’t have been expressed if this hadn’t shook us to our core. I hope we have another 40 years together!!

    • candice
      candice April 8, 2015 at 3:21 pm #

      What an amazing testimony you have. Thank you for sharing. God bless you and your husband.

    • judy April 8, 2015 at 10:34 pm #

      Wow! So sorry for everything you’ve gone through.

  50. camie April 8, 2015 at 1:41 pm #

    Spot on! I loved this article and shared it with my closest friend. We both laughed our butts off.
    I also shared it with my husband who felt more appreciated after I shared with him. We have been married 21 years 🙂 This message remains the same. Anything good takes work. After our first 10 years marriage, we found Jesus and the past 11 years have been much sweeter. But not without the ups and downs. Candice, You have much wisdom to share. Thank you for the laugh.

    • candice
      candice April 8, 2015 at 3:08 pm #

      Thank you so much! Congrats on 21 year, that’s awesome

  51. Jane April 8, 2015 at 1:33 pm #

    What a fantastic post. Thank you so much for sharing this with the world.

    • candice
      candice April 8, 2015 at 3:09 pm #

      Thank you!

  52. Christine April 8, 2015 at 12:15 pm #

    I’m sure there was some good in the remaining numbers, but I had to stop after reading, and being put-off by, 1&2.
    To overgeneralize and imply that one does not marry their best friend was more than I could read.
    To people saying, “well then why cooment?” I want people to see that you can marry your best friend.
    My husband and I will be married 6 years this year, but have been together for 21 years this year. Was he my best friend when we started dating? No. In fact he was that beautiful boy next door. But over time he became my best friend. We talk about the kids making us go mad, in fact talking to him about issues with the kids is more important than the best friend.

    • Jenna April 8, 2015 at 12:33 pm #

      If you would’ve kept reading you would see that she said exactly what you just said.

    • candice
      candice April 8, 2015 at 12:57 pm #

      I completely understand that some people do marry their best friend and I celebrate that and appreciate it very much. It’s not the case for me and is why is wrote ” In my case, it’s not true. I didn’t marry my best friend.”. I love that you are married to your best friend, I think it’s awesome. I think it’s wonderful that you’ve been together 21 years. The rest of the article celebrates the good in marriage and encourages to weather the storms because that’s sometimes where the beauty comes from. It also says how much fun marriage can be. Thank you for reading some of the post, I appreciate it.

      • anna April 13, 2015 at 4:44 pm #

        Candace I feel bad for you that you have to keep repeating “in my case”. Why do people need to argue their point. Me thinks they protest over much. I agree with your article 100%. IMO in the friend zone, not meant to be a lover. (Could add so much more but typing on kindle)

        • candice
          candice April 13, 2015 at 4:50 pm #

          Thank you Anna. I didn’t have any intention of hurting feelings or upsetting anyone when I wrote the article. I was hoping it would be more of a feel good article but I guess it rubbed people the wrong way. That wasn’t what I set out to do. I feel bad. I completely understand that people feel like they married their best friend, I wasn’t putting down those relationships. Thanks for the support.

    • Brittney April 8, 2015 at 10:26 pm #

      Thank you for commenting this. I feel the same. I grew up moving every single year because my parents were busy being sinful and it wasn’t until I was 14 I met my besfriend/husband. I married him at ahe 16 and we’ve been married 11 years this may. He is the only besfriend I’ve ever had. Again thank you so much for your comment. People need to realize not everyone grows up the same/gets to experience friendships the same but that true love/making it past those hard times proves you marry your best friend.

  53. Mair April 8, 2015 at 11:42 am #

    On May 20th my Husband and I will celebrate our 26th year together. This blog was spot on (I didn’t know you were living behind my walls) this is exactly our life together! Great job Candice, I wish you continued happiness with your husband and children and all life can bring you.

    • candice
      candice April 8, 2015 at 11:46 am #

      Is it weird that I do actually live in your walls ;).. THank you for the sweet words. God bless

  54. Patrice Zebbs April 8, 2015 at 10:51 am #

    I will be married this summer and I love reading things like this! It gives me hope that whatever comes our way we will be ok as long as we stick together!

    • candice
      candice April 8, 2015 at 11:47 am #

      Thank you !!

  55. Mriva April 8, 2015 at 6:36 am #

    I could not agree with you more. May 20th, my husband and I will be married 20 years. Before we were married we had a saying, you don’t sleep with your best friends. I also want to add for me, I did not marry my prince charming or my night in shining armor. I married my soulmate. I was almost 21 and he was almost 24. Our marrage has see it’s fear share of ups and downs, but we know in our hearts our marrage is so worth more than anything else. We also do not have children, So we say and feel that it is called being in love, not just loving each other.
    So for those that wont take this informatio from someone that has been married 9 years, maybe they will take it from someone tha has been married for 20 years.:)

    • candice
      candice April 8, 2015 at 6:44 am #

      Thank you!

  56. Abbie Bequette April 7, 2015 at 9:10 pm #

    This is so beautiful and well worded! My husband and I have only been married 9 months but I laughed at, and related to, so many things you said. Marriage is forever to me and I’m so inspired by people like you who believe the same & embrace the craziness. Bless you & your family!!

    • candice
      candice April 8, 2015 at 5:00 am #

      Thank you!!

  57. Jane April 7, 2015 at 8:55 pm #

    I liked your article. When I got married my husband was not my best friend, but he is now. After 24 years of marriage and of course many trials and tribulations he has to be or it wouldn’t work.

    • candice
      candice April 8, 2015 at 5:01 am #

      Thank you!

  58. Rose April 7, 2015 at 7:07 pm #

    I total get what you are saying, but for those who did marry their best friend, that is ok, too. I am one of those that did marry my best friend and 24 years later, he is still my best friend. Seems to be working just fine.

    • candice
      candice April 7, 2015 at 7:12 pm #

      Absolutely it’s okay that some people are married to their best friend and I celebrate that too. Congrats on 24 years, that’s awesome!!

  59. erin April 7, 2015 at 3:35 pm #

    i loved this article. I’m a divorcee/widow. If ever given the blessing of being married again, I will approach it so differently than before.
    This is spot on from what I have come to realize about marriage. Even though I’m not married, if given the opportunity again, I know the things I would change and one would be my mind set. AND I’d keep my best friend to share details with! Lol. Thank you for your words!

    • candice
      candice April 7, 2015 at 3:55 pm #

      Thank you!

  60. Lila April 7, 2015 at 2:03 pm #

    Thank you for saying this! I adore and love my husband, but there are things BFFs share that husbands don’t need to know nor would understand like another woman.

  61. Jess April 7, 2015 at 12:22 pm #

    WOW! Married 9 years and I felt the same way. I looked at couples and they seemed so perfect. Too perfect in my eyes. I always wondered how they were with one another behind doors. As for my marriage what you see is what you get. We are not best friends we are too different and actually thats a good thing because we would not be able to tolerate each other if we were the same. Reading this has helped me and now I see that others feel the same way. YAY to my relieve. Marriage is hard its the hardest thing I have ever done!! We have had some tough times and Im sure there are more ahead. Thank you for ths blog!!

    • candice
      candice April 7, 2015 at 12:24 pm #

      Thank you so much!

  62. Meagan April 7, 2015 at 10:38 am #

    Wow!! These are the most amazing and true words I may have ever read!!

    • candice
      candice April 7, 2015 at 11:01 am #

      Thank you!

  63. Elle April 6, 2015 at 10:14 pm #

    My husband and i have been married about as long as you, this article was spot on! i loved it! i love that i think the same things and this article makes me feel normal LOL. thanks so much!

    • candice
      candice April 7, 2015 at 4:55 am #

      Thank you!

  64. Christina April 6, 2015 at 8:36 pm #

    I really loved your article. People either want to act all mushy mushy or just completely bash things. This was right on target. I didn’t marry my best friend, I dont think anyone does. You wrote about the good as well as the tough times. I loved the “stinky feet remarks, husband dancing with the kids, and especially the part about the “butt grabs'” so true!
    People think marriage is just something to do. It takes going through hard times and working together to make a marriage work. If it was easy the divorce rate wouldn’t be so high.

    You were wrong about one thing though… You DO have business giving advice because your address was not only on point, but genuine. Thank you for making me smile today.

    • Christina April 6, 2015 at 8:38 pm #

      *** advice was not only on point but genuine.

    • candice
      candice April 6, 2015 at 8:48 pm #

      Thank you so much!!

  65. Megan April 6, 2015 at 5:49 pm #

    I love this because my husband isn’t my best friend! He’s my husband! Prior to reading this I felt very much like an outcast because everyone always uses that line. Thanks!

    • candice
      candice April 6, 2015 at 6:02 pm #

      Thanks Megan. Obviously I feel the same way. My husband is just that, my husband and I completely adore him but my best friend and I have a totally different relationship. I value both more than I can ever measure.

  66. dawn April 6, 2015 at 5:38 pm #

    WOW you caught my attention with the title “I didn’t marry my best friend”. I have felt very guilty when I have seen those numerous posts from my friends who say “they married their best friend”. Because I never thought I could call my husband (of 45 years) my “best friend”. We are so very different but compatible and truly love one another. Yes after 45 years we do think alike on many subjects but we are NOT alike. I have no desire to have another man in my life we are very happy and can’t get along without one another.

    You hit the nail on the head with this article all the way thru and I will share this with my friends and will be back to read more of your writings. You are a wise woman. Thank you for sharing this article and your heart with us. 🙂

    • candice
      candice April 6, 2015 at 6:00 pm #

      What a huge compliment. Thank you very much! Congrats on 45 years, that is amazing!

  67. Letha April 6, 2015 at 5:06 pm #

    i love this and feel the same way. My 2 bff’s have been there through the hard and good times of my life time. One of them since kindergarten and the other since 6th grade. Now my husband has been there for a long time as well but in a different way, love him with my life. He and I meet in the 6th grade as well, together off and on during school. The 13th of this month will be married 31 years, we were both 17 when we married. It has been a very long road some times but would not have missed the ride so far for nothing.

    • candice
      candice April 6, 2015 at 5:17 pm #

      Thank you!

  68. Nikki April 6, 2015 at 10:08 am #

    Thank you for being so candid! I have been married for 15 years and for a long time, I’ve been telling my husband I wanted him to be my best friend. We’ve weathered many storms and we’ve also been tremendously blessed by God. Within the last few months, I’ve been trying to accept the fact that he may never become my best friend. The one person I considered my best friend passed away a long time ago and I guess I really wanted my husband to fill that void, but he’s not interested in that. I have other friends but I don’t consider any of them my BFF. My husband just wants to be a husband and a father. He’s an AWESOME husband and a PHENOMENAL father. So after reading your blog, I think I can continue my path of acceptance that he may never become my best friend. I have to pray about that void though because it’s very real and I don’t want to make a mistake by trying to fill it with the wrong thing or the wrong people. Thanks again for sharing!

    • candice
      candice April 6, 2015 at 10:22 am #

      Thank you! I’ll join you in your prayers for the best friend void to be filled but if it’s not your husband that will fill it, that’s totally okay!

  69. Amanda April 6, 2015 at 9:34 am #

    You know I did not marry my best friend and my husband did not either. And I can tell you that knowing that without this kind of context can ruin a marriage. I kept waiting. Waiting for him to make that switch. I would engage him is ways that would facilitate that and it only hurt me. And there were several years where I was sure that my marriage was missing something because of it. That we were not okay or going to be okay because of it.

    I love my husband. And where it is true that some people marry their best friend I have to say I bet most don’t and it is an urban legend like when people say “I loved being pregnant.” It is true for some but I would bet you money that if we were all in a safe an honest place we might not say things like that – and I bet we would help each other our more than we know if we would be a little more honest.

    • candice
      candice April 6, 2015 at 9:38 am #

      Thank you. Truth be told, I hate being pregnant. I am the worlds worst pregnant lady and I have five children! We should be able to be open and honest without feeling less.

  70. Kirsti April 5, 2015 at 8:49 pm #

    THANK YOU for this post! I didn’t marry my best friend either and often felt maybe something was missing in my marriage because we didn’t have that kind of a relationship. I just recently realized he is my lover and partner and I am fine with that–I love that! And my marriage isn’t made smaller by my friendships with my sisters and girlfriends. So thank you for validating my marriage and sharing your thoughts. It is always nice to not feel alone. 🙂

    • candice
      candice April 6, 2015 at 9:39 am #

      Thank you!!!

    • Enaid April 7, 2015 at 5:56 am #

      On the contrary, I loved being pregnant! In my child bearing years, the thought of being a surrogate mother was appealing to me.
      My husband was and is very loving and supportive, but needs to have me near and ‘safe’ which I find smothering sometimes.
      He has no hobbies, and is now retired, so I definitely am his BFF. He can’t do enough for me, and I get cross because I am a loner and need my space to feel sane!

  71. cristina April 4, 2015 at 10:05 pm #

    great job on this Candice !!
    Should be required to read before taking the plunge!

    • candice
      candice April 5, 2015 at 6:31 am #

      Thank you! <3

  72. Cynthia April 4, 2015 at 8:51 pm #

    I loved reading this! I’ve been married going on 9 years. I don’t make friends easily and I tried to make my husband my best friend. I didn’t realize how draining that was on our marriage. Now I’m in a situation (started school) where I’ve got a bunch of friends and our marriage is much better for it. And standing on the other side of a storm (postpartum depression, constant arguing, financial stuff) its so worth getting through it. We are in a better place we’ve ever been.

    • candice
      candice April 4, 2015 at 9:04 pm #

      Thank you! Sending prayers your way

  73. Keri Justus April 4, 2015 at 6:36 pm #

    Very good read! I’ve been married 16 years and we’ve weathered many storms (death of family members, financial issues, job loss, children’s’ surgeries and recent health issues with myself). We really try to keep the faith and show our three children that even though life can be tough, the flowers always bloom after the storm! After all, if you only had sunshine, how would things grow? I also have a best friend who I couldn’t live without and am so blessed that we can have our daily “girl talk”. :o)

  74. Meg April 4, 2015 at 5:12 pm #

    Could not love this more! Thanks for putting this out there! I adore my husband, but my best friend…she’s amazing in a ton of ways that are very different from what I love about him.

    • candice
      candice April 4, 2015 at 5:16 pm #

      Thank you!

  75. Mom2four April 4, 2015 at 11:08 am #

    I DID marry my best friend. Maybe that’s the problem, lol. Maybe we should do less mole checking, more snuggling. But going on 13 years, and we’re doing fine.

  76. Darcy April 3, 2015 at 9:19 am #

    Thank you for reminding me that marriage can go through seasons of rough weather. I’ve only been married a couple of years and sometimes I find myself wondering if it can be this hard for everyone >.< It's nice to know that it happens to all marriages. We get angry and get happy, then get mellow, then hyper, then content, then bored, then silly in love and giddy, and around and around we go.

    • Candice Curry
      Candice Curry April 3, 2015 at 9:22 am #

      Thank you!

    • CarrieD May 22, 2015 at 1:17 pm #

      I totally understand! Me and my husband made 5yrs a few months ago and it has been quite a roller coaster. A few months of marriage in we were stationed half way around the world from everyone and everything I’ve ever known. Then hes off doing his duty for his country for most of the 5 yrs of our marriage. Throw in a teenage daughter from my prior marriage that is battling mental issues and a new baby that was born with medical issues and has had 2 surgeries so far, it has been a rocky start. I say start because even tho we are 5yrs in, he has only been home for maybe 2yrs of it. I love my husband, but to be honest, he isn’t my bff either. There is alot I don’t talk to him about. He is constantly under stress from work, and I don’t like contributing to that. So I sugar coat most things for him and save my deepest worries for my bff, my sister. Soon we will be returning stateside and he will be on shore duty enjoying a much needed break from constant deployment. I am looking forward to getting to know my husband again and falling back in love with him (I even tell him this, lol). I am looking forward to getting my partner back and learning each other all over again. I am all too well aware of the ups and downs of marriage. Military life tends to force that on families to the extreme! But I know my family is worth fighting for.

  77. Cherish April 2, 2015 at 3:55 pm #

    My husband and I will be married 34 years this year. It was nice reading about your family. Our personal challenges have been many, but our love has continued to shelter us. He spent 31 years in the military, and was away during many of our crisis’s. But when I lost both my parents with 36 hours of each other, he was overseas, and I wouldn’t see him for another six months after that, He was still “there” for me in a way that I cannot describe. His sweet phone calls and his sincere apology for their loss. His deep compassion, will always comfort me when I need someone to lean on. I thank God for blessing our family the way He has. I feel so completely blessed in my life. Thanks for giving me a chance to say so through your blog. Peace to you and your family! 🙂

    • candice
      candice April 3, 2015 at 8:45 am #

      Thank you!

  78. Christina April 2, 2015 at 12:17 pm #

    Even after 25 years together I don’t claim to know anything. Everyone’s marriage is different, but I agree that pulling together even when things fall apart is the best thing to do. You had me laughing about the smelly Tom’s feet. 🙂

    • candice
      candice April 3, 2015 at 8:46 am #

      Thank you. My Toms feet are no joke 🙁 but I can’t quit them!

  79. Annie April 2, 2015 at 10:38 am #

    Every marriage is as unique as the individuals who make them up. We’re about to celebrate our 10th, and my husband is totally my best friend, and I’m absolutely his. And we do giggle about stinky feet together. 🙂 So glad you’ve found a way to celebrate your marriage and embrace its uniqueness!

    • candice
      candice April 3, 2015 at 8:46 am #

      Thank you! That’s what’s so wonderful about all of us. We are uniquely made.

  80. Stephanie April 2, 2015 at 10:13 am #

    This is a great analysis of marriage. After 12 years of marriage, I have found it to be great overall with periods of extreme challenge. In over a decade together, my husband and I have moved five times (my husband was in the military), had two sons, and have bought a house. Through each of these life events we have had to rely on each other and have grown closer because of it. I consider myself fortunate to have found such an awesome guy that I really want to spend the rest of my life with.

    • candice
      candice April 3, 2015 at 8:47 am #

      Thank you!

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