What Happened When I Let My Kids Walk Home From School

Everyone seems to know someone who walked four miles through blizzards and past a three-ring circus to school and back. My dad did. All I can remember, though, is that it was 1950-something, and on one of those long walks he faced the town bully and engaged in his first fist fight. (He won, of course, and still managed to make it home with his homework intact).

Then there is my husband. He claims to have walked two miles to his elementary school in Nebraska in the early ’80s and to have even detasseled corn on the way home. As far as I know, he didn’t get into any fist fights, but he does tell a story about dangerously trespassing on a private golf course with his buddies and discovering a surprise love for collecting rare and finely dinged golf balls.

I grew up a bus-rider, so I never knew of the mystique of “walkers” (the kids who walked home from school, that is, not those in The Walking Dead). But that’s not to say I didn’t have my freedom outdoors. Didn’t everyone in the ’80s? On summer mornings we ate our Captain Crunch cereal as quickly as possible and ran out the door seconds later screaming, “I’m going outside!” only to be met with the parental response, “OK, be home when the first street light comes on.”

But it’s not 1980-something anymore. Pac-man isn’t chasing ghosts. Instead, 3-D interactive, war-like avatars are asking our kids’ advice via headphones. Crime—like, gut-wrenching, kid-induced crime—is all over the news. You can live in the most exclusive area with neighborhood guards and still not be immune to something bad happening. Not that there weren’t sickos in the 1980s—there were. But few can argue that for parents concerned with keeping their kids safe today, it’s a much different world.

And it’s probably—no, definitely—not safe to ever let kids walk home from school in 2015.  Right?   

I’m sure there’s a list why I probably shouldn’t let my eleven-year-old twin boys and eight-year-old daughter make the half-mile trek home from their neighborhood school. But let me tell you a few reasons why this mom of three does.

1. Exercise. My kids are crazy active. They live and breathe sports. So, after eight hours of some pretty intense learning, my husband and I like the idea of them getting some exercise on the way home from school. I sometimes see minivans leaving the carpool line with kids’ eyes glued on the car’s TV screen for the five-minute ride home. We live in a country where childhood obesity is a huge problem. By walking home, my children are stretching, activating their muscles, releasing endorphins, and burning calories. It’s something that serves their bodies, minds, and souls good, especially since they have more sitting and homework awaiting them when they reach our house!

2. I meet them, and we walk together (most of the time). I am fortunate to walk to meet my kids on most days. I was a stay-at-home mom when they started walking home from school in the third grade and kindergarten respectively, and I work from home now, giving me the flexibility to meet them. This is my attempt to make sure that in today’s world of heavily trafficked roads and stories of attempted abductions, they stay safe. I know it’s not fool-proof, and I don’t do it every day. But I try to hover, just a little, while I still can.

3. Time to talk. My kids and I have had some of our best talks on the walk home from school. One of these conversations in particular happened with one of the twins when he was ten years old. My son was complaining that “[he’s] the only one in the school and probably the state of Texas who doesn’t have a phone.” He continued on: “And we’re, like, the only people who don’t have a really beast (that’s ten-year-old speak for “cool”) car or lake house.” Um, really? This kid, who has a pretty awesome life for which he should be super grateful, was upset he didn’t have a more luxe lifestyle?!  I laid into him with every lecture I had in me and threatened to strip his world bare of all material things. Frankly, I wasn’t sure he was going to make it home alive that day, and it wasn’t going to be by death of a fast car. Great talk, right? Well, fast forward two days. We were in church when our priest began talking about envy. My son and I locked eyes. Before I even opened my mouth to whisper, “Remember our walk home?” my son mouthed back to me, “I get it now.” Though it took a few days for us to see the impact, our then-hurtful conversation on the walk home from school was now leaving its mark. I’ve had several of these deep teaching moments with all three of my kids on our walks home. At the same time, I’ve also had some very silly nonsense talks with them, which have been equally fulfilling to me as a mom and hopefully to them, too.

4. The watchdog. I get to know my children’s closest friends, acquaintances, and those with whom they’d rather not hang out. I learn who’s who and what they’re doing. I overhear the lowdown on teachers, peers, and the big stories of the day. In 2015, I think this is important. Oddly enough, once home my kids don’t always “remember” when you ask, “How was your day, honey?” So here, on the walk home, I get some of the best school scoop. Once in awhile I even get to hear who might be crushing on my sons and whether the twins are following my advice of not seeking a girlfriend until they’re well over 18!

5. Responsibility 101. Do they look both ways before crossing the street? Do they stay on the sidewalk? Do they walk directly home from school? Do the twins keep an eye on their younger sister? Does younger sister listen to her brothers? The walks home from school have taught my children a lot about what it means to be responsible—for their own and one another’s safety and well-being. I require them to work as a team to get from point A to point B. At times, their responsibility has been tested. Once, a fellow walker decided to venture off the sidewalk and climb a stone wall that marks the entrance into our neighborhood. He beckoned the twins to join him. The twins thought about it, and perhaps even started in their friend’s direction before choosing not to climb the wall. Maybe because they saw me off in the distance walking their direction, but for whatever reason, I was glad they chose to be responsible in this instance. But that’s not to say they haven’t messed up.

Yes, mistakes have been made, and responsibility has been downgraded. They’ve fallen, and I’ve had to help them back up. Here are a few of those lessons learned:

1. Don’t allow your kids to throw a ball while walking home. Mine like to have a football in their hands at all times. A fellow neighbor started a concern thread on our community Facebook page, and I even received a phone call that a kid had gone into the street chasing a pass. “Might he be yours?” someone inquired. (Ah, I had to think about how to answer that one!) I now require my kids to keep the football in their backpacks until they reach our house.

2. Be prepared that they could learn a few choice words. Every year there seems to be that random older kid with a potty mouth worse than Cheech and Chong. However, do you know where it was that one of my little ones heard his first cuss word? In class! My poor kid, in first grade, was rhyming with the “-uck” family words. Oops. He was so upset with me for not telling him it was a bad word, as if I should have written a list saying, “Here, sweetie, is a complete dictionary of cuss words—phonetic spelling included.”

3. Remind them to walk in a pack. My eight-year-old, who I believe thinks she’s 13, is totally OK walking by herself. I’m totally NOT OK with that. I continually have to remind my daughter not to run off ahead and, with an “are you kidding me?” look at her brothers, remind them that they are responsible for keeping a close eye on her. Too often I see a straggler walking ahead or behind the group. That makes me nervous. Danger is more likely to find a lone child than one walking in a large group.

The decision to allow my children to walk home from school wasn’t a light-hearted one. A lot of time, planning, and praying went into and continues to go into making it work for this family of five in 2015.   It is not without risk—we know. However, with each step, each leap, and sometimes, each sprint along the sidewalk, my walkers are carving their stories into history. Theirs may not be as exciting or heroic as the tales of the walks home from school told by their dad or grandfather. The stories, however, will be their own: My children’s journey from school to home.