As I journey through life as a mom, I’ve decided that motherhood is the biggest sorority on earth. You go through 10 months of Rush (everyone says nine months, but 40 weeks = 10 months, and we deserve that extra credit!), and then you’re a card-carrying member of MOM. In Greek letters, that’s Mu Omnicrom Mu, but let’s just go with MOM. You quickly discover that there are no formals and no spring flings; the shirts identifying you as a MOM all have spit-up stains (or worse); every day is Parents Day; and you are the house mother who is supposed to keep everything in line—even when your toddler acts like a drunken fraternity pledge on a bender.
I’ve never been much of a joiner and the letters “GDI” definitely fit me in college, yet the sorority of motherhood, spit-up stains and all, is one I’ve proudly embraced. There is safety in numbers, after all, and the support of other members of the club can make your journey as a MOM easier and much more enjoyable. No one understands the highs and lows of mommyhood like another MOM.
Members of MOM come in all shapes and sizes—you can have an only child, twins, a trio (or more) to large broods that require special cargo vans for transportation. You can become a MOM the old-fashioned “birds and bees” way, with fertility assistance (and persistence), by marriage, or by adoption. You can be a stay-at-home-MOM, a working MOM with a traditional “nine to five” gig, or a MOM with flexible working hours (in other words, you cram work into whatever free time you have whenever your first job as a MOM allows you to fit it in. Hello, writing client proposals at 4:00 A.M. or changing poopy diapers while muted on a conference call).
There are MOMs who craft, and those who wouldn’t know a Pinterest project even if it exploded glitter, glue, and macaroni across their computer. There are breastfeeding MOMs, formula-feeding MOMs, MOMs who choose the organic food route, those who are OK simply putting a meal on the table no matter where the ingredients came from, and those who know take-out or drive-thru options by heart. There are MOMs who have nannies, those who rely on family members for child care assistance, those who use daycare or Mother’s Day Out programs, and those who can’t imagine leaving their young children with anyone.
There are MOMs who always look good: showered, hair done, make-up perfectly applied, snazzy outfit, and children dressed to match. There are those rockin’ yoga pants and t-shirts, hair in a ponytail, and perhaps a bit of gloss on their lips. And then there are those who may or may not have a Fruit Loop stuck to the backside of whatever pants they have on, or somewhat sticky—and visible—handprints left wherever their child gripped them last, and they won’t notice either until after they’ve run all of their errands and returned home.
Diapers, sleeping, potty training, pacifiers, television, monitors, electronic devices, school choices, extracurricular activities: name any aspect of the world of motherhood, and the options are endless. No matter what you choose, no matter what combination of the above describes your life, you’re a MOM. Every mother tries her best and does what she thinks is right for her family—not my family or your family, but her own little (or big) family unit. We agonize over the choices and second guess ourselves, ask other MOMs for guidance and insight, and then leap into the unknown and hope that whatever choice we made is the right one.
And that’s OK. The sorority of MOM is big enough to handle all of that. Whatever combination that works for each MOM really is OK. There’s no right, no wrong, just what works for each MOM.
You see, motherhood is messy. It doesn’t always color inside the lines. It doesn’t fit into one single box or description. And isn’t a competition, despite what society seems to push at us. Today’s interconnected world and the open world of social media feed comparison and commentary, opening the door to public shaming. In reality, it’s not much different than the town square gossips of yesteryear, but it wasn’t right back then, either.
No one’s life is as good as it may look when all gussied up for a trip into town or when edited and posted on Instagram. Social media feeds are selectively presented and edited. If every moment of mommyhood was documented for the world to see, our population would plummet as women ran for birth control. Frankly, motherhood can be pretty scary at times—and just downright disgusting. No one tweets about the lows of mommyhood, like getting thrown up on six times in one road trip and catching said vomit so successfully in your hands that you only had to change your child’s clothes one time—but your fellow MOMs get it. (Wait, that’s actually a pretty cool MOM moment of pride, so look for my tweet, sans photo, ASAP!)
Setting the pressure of social media aside, we women aren’t always great about supporting each other. We can be harshly judgmental of our own sex, and when it comes to the world of mommyhood and its myriad of decisions, watch out. MOMs are definitely an opinionated group, and we aren’t afraid to share those opinions, online or on the playground.
I joined the sisterhood of motherhood at a later point in life. According to the medical world, I’m a MOM of “advanced maternal age”—and if that phrase doesn’t make you feel old, I’m not sure what will, though it’s any MOM 36 or older. Whether it’s the maturity/senility of my advanced maternal age or that I’m just too tired to care, I don’t have the time to judge other MOMs. I’d much rather learn from them, embrace their success, and hope that a little rubs off on me in some way (especially you talented crafty MOMs, even if your Pinterest feeds and mastery of hot glue guns both frighten and inspire me).
From the time I found out I was pregnant, I‘ve found myself drawn to other MOMs. When I feel the urge to judge creeping in, I pause to look at the bigger picture and wonder what that MOM is going through. Context can be everything, and without all of the facts, who am I to criticize her decisions or choices? I might walk in her shoes one day and grapple with the same issue, so what can I learn from her, and more importantly, what can I do to support her so that I’ll have the same support when I need it? And let’s face it: we all need support. Other MOM choices might not match mine, but it doesn’t make them wrong. And exactly how does tearing someone else down build me up?
Alison Pincus, one of the co-founders of One Kings Lane, the addictive shopping site filled with gorgeous housewares and more, recently said, “Surround yourself with a trusted and loyal team. It makes all the difference.” She was talking about entrepreneurship, but I think the same can be said for motherhood. MOMs are amazing. We each have talents, gifts, and insights that are unique and wonderful. We should celebrate those differences, applaud successes, and commiserate over challenges.
So no matter how many children you have, how you feed them, or what you wear, fly your MOM flag proudly and support the sorority. Imagine what we can do as a united sisterhood, working to support MOMs in general. Pretty great picture, isn’t it? Especially if it includes hot glue guns, glitter, and macaroni.
