Ugh, not again. Yep, there it is. Did you catch Matt Walsh’s recent post on stay-at-home moms that has blown up in the social media world? As a mother (and one that left a traditional career when motherhood came calling), there were parts of this post that made me want to applaud. I was happy that this man was standing up for motherhood, for his wife, and for the gravity of the job that we take on when we decide to multiply. But by the end of the post, I was cringing. Not for what he said, but for the fact that I understood this was yet another post pitting mothers against each other. It seems like every time I open my computer, open a magazine, read an article or turn on the morning new programs, there’s something outlining why being a stay-at-home mom or why being a working-mom will forever harm your children, ruin the mom’s life, and pointing out reasons why we have made the wrong decision, regardless of what that choice was.
“Children whose moms work don’t feel love and attention.” “Children of stay at home moms see their mother as a door mat.” “Girls lose their sense of who they are by not having their mother at home guiding them.” “Girls are raised thinking that only their dads and men are capable of working.” “Women aren’t able to embrace their instincts of being a mother when they are thrown back in the work force.” “Women lose their value and skill set by staying at home.” “Working moms are over committed and stretched thin.” “Stay at home moms are depressed and less satisfied with life.” Seriously people – STOP!
I’m sick of it! Why do we, as women, feel compelled to beat each other up? Why can’t we support the decisions that each woman makes for HERSELF and HER FAMILY as opposed to jumping right into judgement that a fellow mom has chosen a path different from the one you chose?
Motherhood is, hands down, the hardest and most challenging job I have had and will ever have. There are days when I feel like I’m trying to reason with a drunk monkey with a mood swing disorder as opposed to a little human being. But in the same breath, it is the most rewarding, most joyful job I have had and will ever have. The feeling of having little arms wrap tight around your neck and tell you how much they love you is utterly priceless. If I was to guess, I’d say that most mothers (I did say most) would agree with these statements. If we all have this common bond, this equally amazing gift and challenge, why do we feel like we need to be pitted against one another? We all operate differently. I know women that are much better mothers because they work and I know women that are much better mothers because they stay home. Either way, we are all sacrificing something. Working moms often feel they are sacrificing their time with their children while SAH moms often feel they are sacrificing career growth and stimulating time with their peers in the work place.
I’d love for us to all just take a little break from judgement. Before we look at another mom with ridicule, accusations, and question her decisions for her family and her life, just know that she is doing the best she can, making the best decisions she can and blindly feeling her way through motherhood, just like you are. Praise her for the decision she’s made, regardless of what it is, because either way I’m sure it’s one that kept her up a night or two night….well, that and her teething baby.
Brooke – I’m sure you’ve probably blogged about this before, but what made you make the decision to stay home? I hope to have children soon and it seems like it’s such a hard choice to make. I love the blog – have enjoyed hearing you speak at JLSA meeting and like being able to know you better through your posts! 🙂
Thanks Natalie! My oldest was born with a severe birth defect called an omphalocele. We knew she would be in the hospital long term and weren’t quite sure what the first year of her life would hold. This is what originally brought us back to SA – to be close to family. I took the time off to be able to answer to any medical needs that came up and ended up loving being home (never thought I would). And now that ACMB has launched, this has been the perfect work/life balance for our family. So glad you’re enjoying the blog!
Definitely think women need to stop judging each other on this topic. I continued to work out of financial necessity.
I agree that we shouldn’t judge anyone’s decision and should in turn respect eachother. I do however think that Matt is saying the same thing you are here. He was explaining how women who criticize those women who stay home such as the ones he mentioned who happened to criticize his own wife should think of all the benefits and all the sacrifices and all the hard work it is to stay home with your children and not make rude comments about it. I think he was very passionately explaing his point because he was defending his wife. But I didn’t get the feeling he was pitting mothers against eachother but actually just expressing to those types of women who feel free to tell you how you should live your life, to have more prudence when making comments about mom’s who stay home. I think he would have defended his wife if she was back at work and someone would have made a rude comment about that.
I agree 100% with you, Brooke. Mothers all work hard! In our family, we made the decision for me to stay at home because so much of my paycheck would have gone toward daycare, not to mention our dining out bill and maid costs would have surely increased due to lack of time.