I hesitated in joining the Alamo City Moms Blog because, as of today, I am a mere stepmom. Sure we are hoping God will bless us with the ability to grow our family very soon and I will get my crack at “real” mommy-hood, but there is always a stigma to being a stepmom. That is until you come to my house and live a day in my life (pick a day, any day!). Even I quickly forget my downgraded status when I am in the midst of packing lunches, while ensuring homework is done and put back in take home folders, and yelling about where I last saw their baseball cleats, and cooking dinner all at the same time.
I changed my mind about this blog after last Mother’s Day. The affirmations from my husband, our children (yes, they are “our” children), and both of our families gave me the courage to claim my title as an Alamo City Mom without the hesitation I once had. I am reminded of the time Dude asked me in the car on the way home from school one day if I was planning to have any “real” kids with his dad. I immediately responded, “You are my real kids.” He said, “You know what I mean!…real kids of your own.” To which I replied whole-heartedly, “You seem pretty real to me! You cost me a lot of real money, you are really here in my car right now when I could really be at work, and if I have wiped your bottom then that makes you pretty “real” to me!” They got a good laugh out of that one, but I got my message across.
Step-parenting can be a real sticky situation sometimes, always struggling for a balance between what is real in your home and in your heart and what the outside world perceives. I was once given some very sage advice from a long-time step-parent: “Step-parenting is like being the back-up quarterback: understand that you are mostly on the sidelines, but always be prepared to come in the game and the lead the team at any given moment.” My own mantra has always been kids can never have too many people love them. They are sponges and soak up all the love and security they can get. With these two perspectives, a blended family can be successful with some happy, well-adjusted kids.
Our kids know there will be no differentiation when we are blessed to add to our family. We are a real family, we already have two real kids and one real(ly) furry dog, and I am, in fact, a real mom. There- I said it.
Are you part of a blended family? How do you approach step-motherhood?
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Thanks Amanda! It’s so nice to hear from other blended family veterans!
I was raised by my mom and “step” dad. I know times are different now, but that man is my daddy. I can’t speak of the issues a traditional blended family has, but I can speak of the love and adoration that man had for my mother and her children. Looking back now as an adult and a parent we laugh that he must have been crazy to marry her! I am sure they are so blessed to have you in their “village”. Good job mom.
Hi Bridget, I am also a step mom to two wonderful kids and have 2 “real” 😉 ones of my our own as well. So, 4 total. 🙂 Step parenting has been one of the hardest most rewarding things I have ever done. It continues to be up and down as life changes. Our most recent trial was the fact that we just moved from Austin to San Antonio 2 months ago. We are loving it here in SA but our older two are still in Austin. We go get them every other weekend but it has been an adjustment because we don’t see them during the week.
My husband and I having children of our own has brought our family closer together more than I ever would have thought. I birthed their half brothers whom they love so much. It has definitely helped them to view me as part of their family more. I look forward to hearing how it goes as your family grows.
Thanks for sharing!
Deanna
Thanks for sharing Deanna! I absolutely agree this step-parenting gig has been the most challenging, AND the most rewarding things I have ever done. Every day is an adventure, but as long as my husband and I are on the same team, with our family as a priority, we can make it happen. I’m aiming for 4 kids total too, but we’ll see if I can convince hubby of that before time runs out! 😉
I would love to hear other step-mom (and dads!) experiences!!