In Defense of the “SAHD”

I feel the need to defend the SAHD (yes, the Stay-At-Home Dad.)   My husband happens to be a SAHD, and quite frankly, I just want everyone to stop being an a*hole about it.

No one seems to bat an eye at the idea that a woman might stay at home and care for her children.  The most obvious reasons: Childcare is expensive;  it’s nice to have a parent at home raising their children instead of a “stranger;”  and having two working parents is really stressful, especially when one of them is Active Duty military.  Did I mention the cost of childcare?

For those very reasons, we decided it would be best for my husband to stay home with our kids while I continued my military career.  But whenever I tell people my husband is a SAHD, their heads explode.

Here are my responses to some of the most obnoxious assumptions I’ve encountered so far:OMG

1.  No, my husband does not sit around or play video games all day.

2.  No, my husband is not babysitting his own children.

3.  No, my husband is not a divorced dad who has his kids “for the day.”

4.  No, my husband does not “work from home” and is not currently “looking for work.”

5.  Thanks, but no, I don’t need advice about how to get my husband a job.

6.  And no, I’m not a “sugar-mama.”

batmanExhibit A – We hired an exterminator this summer.  To make small talk, he asked my husband what he does for a living.  He said, “I’m a stay-at-home-dad.”  The exterminator seemed amused and said “oh, you get to sit around all day!”  My husband informed him that being a stay-at-home-dad is the hardest job he’s ever done, and he’s had a lot of hard jobs.  The exterminator asked, “Like what?”

Like what???

Well, for starters, he’s been in the Army, and also welded giant sheets of blazing hot metal to build aircraft carriers.

“Oh.”

Exhibit B – My husband was going through a drive-thru while I jumped out to go to the store next door.  As he pulled to the window with our sons in the back, the cashier commented “Got the kids for the day?”  To which my husband replied “Uh… I have my kids everyday…”

Exhibit C – There is a particular man at work (who used to work with my husband) who, every single time I see him, asks for an update on my husband’s employment status.  YES, HE IS STILL TAKING CARE OF OUR CHILDREN, JUST LIKE LAST WEEK WHEN I TOLD YOU HE WAS A STAY AT HOME DAD!

What am I getting at?  I guess I wish I could just make a really hard job a little easier for my husband.  He’s a great father, and I wish society was a little more accepting of our untraditional roles.  So when you’re at “open gym” or the indoor bounce house and you see that lonely dad, try to talk to him – like a person – like a guy that doesn’t get to talk to anyone over the age of 5 all day – like the amazing dad he is – the one that packs lunches, kisses boo-boos and loves his kids like crazy.  Not like a fumbling substitute for mom.

buds

Are there any other SAHDs out there?  Are there any San Antonio SAHD groups?? 

Amy
Amy was born and raised on the East Coast, but got to Texas as fast as she could! She has been serving in the U.S. Air Force for 18 years, half of which have been in San Antonio. Amy and her husband have two boys, ages 9 and 8, and they love discovering new San Antonio parks and restaurants! She’s still not sure what she wants to be when she grows up, but in her spare time, she's either working out or trying to convince herself not to eat pizza.

4 COMMENTS

  1. Thank you ladies for the support! And Anne – I would love to get a room of them together just to hear the stories!!!

    Maybe one day we can have an alamo city dads playgroup!

  2. Love this! My husband is also an amazing SAHD and he says it’s the most worthwhile and satisfying job he’s ever had. The other day, an old lady walking into the grocery store made a comment to him like, “It so sunny out– She needs a hat!” (Even though he and our daughter were just walking the 30 feet from the parking space to the store, and she would have taken said hat off and thrown it to the ground at least three times in that distance.) Things like that drive him nuts. There is no way that woman would have told a mother how to take care of her child like that. It can be frustrating, but our family is thriving, so I’m very thankful he moves passed the weirdness society throws at SAHDs.

  3. I think it’s wonderful that you guys do what’s best for the family, despite all of the negativity that comes with it. I am a stay at home mom and it really is the hardest job I’ve ever had. There’s already some negativity in today’s society with stay at home mom’s in general. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it would feel like to be a SAHD.

  4. I think it’s awesome that your husband is a SAHD! That is an extremely demanding job for anyone. Not only is he performing many duties around the house, but he has the benefit of taking care of your own children which makes it easier and less stressful for you to do your job at work, knowing that you have the absolute BEST daytime situation for your kids. Those people who say all that stuff and give him a hard time, clearly have no experience in the matter and therefore don’t count with their opinions. Tell your husband, he is amazing and sets an example for how dad’s should be with their kids! 🙂

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