My Real Life Valentines

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Dear school car line rule followers,

Oh, how I love you. Thank you for staying off your phones, keeping a correct distance between cars, and simply paying attention.
I wish there were more people just like you. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Love,
Me

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Dear Trader Joe’s employees,

You win my heart with your kind smiles and chipper attitudes. I don’t understand the Hawaiian shirts or why you must comment (with excitement that seems incredibly genuine) on each item I buy, but you often make my morning better. Will you be mine?

Love,
Me

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Dear tweezers,

I need you daily. I get antsy when you are not around. You and I are MFEO.

Love,
Me

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Dear Charmin toilet paper,

You are one of a kind. I’ll admit I’ve strayed a few times, played the field. Each time I come running back to you. Thank you for your gentle strength.

Love,
Me

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Dear eggs,

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. You are good for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You allow me to phone in dinner and still get something healthy on the table in 10 minutes. You complete me with your complete protein and yummy yolks.

Love,
Me

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Dear Spotify,

Thank you for the music you bring to my life. Mundane afternoons and morning commutes are so much better with your quirky playlists. Thanks for making me the fun mom who can pull up KidsBop on request in the carpool and then making it easy to turn that crap it off the second the kids get out of the car and get back to my Acoustic Morning playlist.

Love,
Me

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Dear lint roller,

I’m sticking with you, my sticky lint roller. You remove all evidence that I have a dog, making me look human and not like a yeti.  Let’s stay together.

Love,
Me

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Dear reasonable Facebook users,

You are cutie pies. I love how you use your Facebook powers for good and not evil. I love you how don’t post vague status updates to gain attention, nor do you actively seek head pats or humblebrag. Because you seem to carefully curate what you post, I click on just about every link or video that you share. I’ll never unfriend or unfollow you. Kisses!

Love,
Me

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Dear Costco,

I’m wild about you. You make me feel hashtag blessed. Your return policy is sublime. You feed me when I shop. You have delicious chocolates, wines, and snacks. Never change!

Love,
Me

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Dear Google,

I run to you daily. I yearn for answers to my kids’ questions that only you can provide. I’m ga-ga for your endless knowledge and starry-eyed at how you can define ALL the worlds. Will you be my Valentine?

Love,
Me

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