My sweet surprise baby,
Ages before I even knew whom I wanted to marry, I knew that I wanted you, my own daughter. When I did marry, I married a man who wanted you too. Little did we know at the beginning of our marriage, that you would be arriving even sooner than we could have hoped for.
When I found out that you were coming, I spent much of the pregnancy feeling like I was racing against time. I had only until your arrival to learn all I could about something of which I knew very little. I read all I could about healthy pregnancy habits, birthing tips, sleep training, parenting styles, and necessary baby gear. We thought about what schools you should go to, which activities you should be in, and where you should grow up.
In the years since your arrival, I’ve learned much more about nursing, birth, and parenting in general, that you would think I did nothing the whole 10 months I was growing you. And while I hope that your daddy and I have only improved with everything we have learned over the years, I know that you have always loved us, despite our cluelessness or imperfections. I may have not done things just right with you, and I won’t do them all perfectly with your siblings, but I can proudly say that I did the best I knew how at the time.
I could have never imagined how wonderfully and drastically my life would change the moment I saw that second pink line on a pregnancy test. Before I was even 21, you made me a mom. You made my mom a “Mimi,” a title that she valued over any other life experience, and a beautiful gift that she treasured during the last three years of her life. If you had come into our lives later, she wouldn’t have gotten to make so many memories with you. You gave me a special bond with my mom that I couldn’t have experienced were it not for you, and I’m so thankful for that experience every day. You made my husband, a man I couldn’t fathom loving any more the day that we married, into a dad. He is the most amazing dad I could ever hope to give you. I fell even deeper in love with him when I watched the way he loved you. You strengthened the bond between your grandma and me, a relationship that I needed more than I could have fathomed after losing my own mother. Because of you, I found the most amazing friendships in a brand new city—friends who were also new moms, who helped me grow into a better adult than I was before, who inspire me, teach me, love me, and have supported me through all the challenges of motherhood.
Looking back now, I’m so glad that you didn’t wait a single day longer than you did to arrive. You pushed us out of our comfort zone. We had to take risks to give you what we hope is the best thing for you, for me to become a stay-at-home mom, and for you to have the best home to live in. Before we knew about you, I thought we needed to save more, plan more, earn more, grow more, and prepare more for you, but if we had waited for the “perfect” time to have you, it may have never come. Since then, I’ve learned that you can plan out your whole life and have nothing go as intended, and often the best moments will happen in the cracks between your plans.
I can’t say that I haven’t ever wondered how my life would be different if you hadn’t surprised us when you did. Maybe my job would have turned out differently? Maybe I’d have different friends? Maybe we would be in a different place? But I’ve never wished for that different life. There is no place I’d rather be, nothing I’d rather do, than be here with you, being your mama. Every day I am excited to expand my horizons as you grow yours. You are the most wonderful surprise and the happiest part of our lives, and we’re so lucky to call you ours.
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My precious planned baby,
I hope for you, wait for you, plan for you.
When I watch your big sister sitting at the dinner table alone, I wish you were here already. When I buckle your sister into her car seat and spot the empty seat next to her, I know we are saving that seat for you. I wait with much anticipation for your arrival. On Christmas mornings, I imagine you bouncing out of your bedroom with your big sister. I feel a little bit incomplete, like we’re not all here yet, waiting for your arrival.
It’s hard for me to fathom that you will never meet my mom in person, but I will make sure that you know her, and that you know how much she would have adored you. I hope you get here soon to start making memories with Grandma, Pop-Pop, and all those wonderful friends your sister brought into our lives.
With you, I think that I will cherish the sweet moments even more, because I know better now how quickly they pass. I hope I will have more patience during the challenging phases, because this time I will realize that it really only is a phase, even if some of them do last three years (I’m looking at your big sister, who growled at every person she met…for THREE YEARS). With you, I will take the time to celebrate every moment big and small, because I know it will be my last time to experience those milestones.
I can’t wait to see not only how you change the course of my and your dad’s life, but also how you rock your big sister’s world. I can’t even begin to imagine how many fights are in your futures, and how many times y’all will stick up for each other and probably team up against Mom and Dad together.
With you, I will try to stress less, because I know better now that everything is temporary and things usually work out. I will try to remember to let you chase the butterflies even when we’re late for school, or pet a puppy even if I’m late for work, even though it will still probably stress me out.
I don’t know when you will make your arrival, but I know that life’s timing just seems to work out. Your sister taught me that. So I will wait patiently, looking forward to the joys, challenges, and memories you will bring. I feel so strongly that you are destined to be part of our family, no matter how you come to us, that I feel like I already know you. We are hoping for you, planning for you, and cannot wait to meet you.
